Holy Shih-tzu!!! Day 99!!!!!!!

I’m having a hard time processing not doing this after tomorrow. I’m excited to use all I’ve learned, but mostly I’m excited to get my lunch hour back. Oh, and no stress about posting and writing is gonna be nice, too.

Image result for just so happy

OK, so it’s now or never for today’s topic. And the thing is, I had tried this earlier. But I gave up because the lines on their site were so strong. They didn’t need help.

…Which was me chickening out because I didn’t think I could beat it.

That was then…

Pair Of Thieves is an underwear brand my friend told me about.

Image result for pair of thieves underwear

Let that sink in for a minute.

Guys don’t talk about underwear. But Dave texted me about this. Yes, it was in a funny-yet-vulgar way, but still, he went out of his way to tell me how great his underwear felt.

And by “underwear” I mean his junk.

So of course I was gonna try a pair. And he was right. They’re awesome. Now I’m a fan. Looking at their site, the copy is as good as the product. It’s playful. It’s clever. And it makes my butt happy.

Let’s see if I can match ‘em.

Here are 101 headlines about Pair Of Thieves underwear:


1Buy the first pair for looks. Buy the next for transcendental butt comfort.
2Your two best friends will thank you for it.
3When we say “this makes your nads cool” we’re referring to the breathable lining
4Designed to carry your cargo with care
5Sorry. We don’t believe in wedgies.
6Great days begin with good underwear
7Your boys gotta breathe
8Form fit style take your look from tighty whities to yummy bummies
9Wonderful things happen when you’re wearing perfect underwear
10Make your junk feel lucky
11“Chafing” and “underwear” are two words that should never go together.
12Awarding men’s junk the comfort it deserves
13Slightly more comfortable than being naked
14If you’ve got a favorite pair of underwear that’s not ours, you’re wrong.
15The most supportive item in your life since your mother
16The only way these could get better, is if we added pockets. But then you wouldn’t wear pants.
17We typically avoid this adjective when talking about underwear, but these styles look sharp
18Run, sit, jump, work, twerk & gyrate with reckless comfort
19Butt wait! There’s more.
20The underwear that leaves an impression on your butt (the good kind)
21Did you hear that? Your butt just said “thank you”
22Make underwear great again
23Your undercarriage hasn’t been pampered this much since you were in diapers
24Upgrade your package to a special delivery
25Even though they’re antimicrobial, turning them inside out so you can wear them 2 days in a row is not recommended. (But we’ve all done it)
26Your junk wants you to buy this
27You’re going to start looking forward to laundry day.
28Put your You’ll go nuts over our 4-way stretch fabric
29Handle your package with care
30The perfect basket for your twig, bum & berries
31If you define comfort as dipping your nethers in a cool, breezy, silky-soft bath of corn starch, then yes, our underwear is very comfortable.
32We changed tighty whities to wonderful under-fulls
33Put a shine on your family jewels
34The underwear that loves your undercarriage
35Put your seat in the lap of luxury
36You know how guys with good abs find reasons to take off their shirt? You may start doing it with your pants.
37The lazy man’s way to a style upgrade
38The “Dammit. Now I need a pair for every day” underwear
39These boxers can beat Mike Tyson
40A special delivery for your package
41A twig and 2 berries just gave us 5-stars
42You’ve been wearing the wrong underwear your whole life
43Your junk deserves a vacation
44Your package said it gave us 7 stars. But it felt more like 5.
45It’s about time someone got underwear right
46Get your butt in here
47Boxer Brief perfection
48So soft, they make your butt cry happy tears
49If they had pockets, you wouldn’t wear pants.
50Your best chance at making your boys happy
51Make your outfit better from the inside
52You’ve been underwearing wrong. But we fixed it for you
53This one’s for your boys
54Creature comforts—in your pants
55It’s OK to love our underwear. It loves you too.
56The underwear you’ll forget you’re wearing. (Please double-check before you leave the house)
57When dudes started talking other dudes about our underwear, we knew we got it right
58For a man who can’t stand moose knuckles
59We’re on a mission to obliterate swamp-ass from the face of the earth. It’s going well.
60Your package deserves a special delivery
61The best thing to happen to your junk since puberty
62The most fun your dangly bits can have while still wearing underwear
63Your butt deserves to be happy
64So soft, they make you wish you had more dangly bits to support
65Your under-parts are about to meet their new best friend
66Warning! You may start doing more laundry just to wear your favorite pair again
67Underwear for all the days you bring your junk with you
68Form fitting underwear that moves with you—not up your butt
69Hey! You with the bad underwear! Get in here…
70The underwear your friends have been talking about
71Like a Tiffany’s bag for your family jewels
72We’re not saying this is the best underwear in the world. Our customers are.
73Stop your giblets from sticking to your leg
74And just like that, your underwear is the best part of your day
75We don’t cut corners. Because any kind of “cut” or “corner” on your underwear is scary.
76Discover the comfort of 4-way stretch fabric. On your butt.
77We just got a call from your butt. It wants you to buy a 3-pack
78We’re anti-junk squishing
79Plan your outfits from your underwear out
80The holy field of boxers
81Feels like being naked, only a lot more socially acceptable
82Soft butt but supportive fabric
83Your cashmere sweater just felt our underwear and said “daaaaaamn.”
84“Breathable underwear” shouldn’t refer to 14-year old boxers with a fly that won’t stay closed
85The Sistine chapel of under garments
86It’s OK if your butt falls in love with our underwear. It loves back.
87Even ugly bums deserve to feel good
88Go forth in good skivvies
89Designed with a pouch that puts yours on a pedestal
90Form-fitting, but not tight. Because constriction is the last thing you want on your nethers.
91Comfortable, stretchy, and never boring
92You’re not still wearing cotton underwear, are you?
93Underwear so soft, they’ll be comparing baby’s bottoms to your butt
94Yes, it’s weird that you talk to your friends about us so much. But it happens a lot.
95We spent a lot of time thinking about your package. The least you could do is try it.
96Breathable underwear feels even more wonderful than it sounds
97We don’t like to associate “junk” with our underwear. But you’ll like to put yours in it.
98Your balls want you to buy us
99Good underwear fixes bad pants
100Stop wearing lousy underwear
101Ugly bums need love too


Overall: I’m just so happy! Maybe it’s the endorphins kicking in (post #99!!!)—but I feel great about this list. I’m glad I waited to do it. Mission accomplished.

Lessons: There’s a fine line between being cute and clear. I could’ve made 100 jokes about balls and called it a day—but I wanted to focus on the quality of the underwear, while still being playful. It was a fun challenge.

  • I scanned reviews of different brands with a variety of voices, then interpreted themes for the list.
  • It felt weird googling “funny ways to say testicles” but I did it for you.
  • I’m worried about retargeting I may get from this one. * shudder *
  • Did I mention it’s day 99?!

Time: 2 sessions, 1:45. I spent extra time getting this one right.

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