Holy Shih-tzu!!! Day 99!!!!!!!

I’m having a hard time processing not doing this after tomorrow. I’m excited to use all I’ve learned, but mostly I’m excited to get my lunch hour back. Oh, and no stress about posting and writing is gonna be nice, too.

Image result for just so happy

OK, so it’s now or never for today’s topic. And the thing is, I had tried this earlier. But I gave up because the lines on their site were so strong. They didn’t need help.

…Which was me chickening out because I didn’t think I could beat it.

That was then…

Pair Of Thieves is an underwear brand my friend told me about.

Image result for pair of thieves underwear

Let that sink in for a minute.

Guys don’t talk about underwear. But Dave texted me about this. Yes, it was in a funny-yet-vulgar way, but still, he went out of his way to tell me how great his underwear felt.

And by “underwear” I mean his junk.

So of course I was gonna try a pair. And he was right. They’re awesome. Now I’m a fan. Looking at their site, the copy is as good as the product. It’s playful. It’s clever. And it makes my butt happy.

Let’s see if I can match ‘em.

Here are 101 headlines about Pair Of Thieves underwear:


1 Buy the first pair for looks. Buy the next for transcendental butt comfort.
2 Your two best friends will thank you for it.
3 When we say “this makes your nads cool” we’re referring to the breathable lining
4 Designed to carry your cargo with care
5 Sorry. We don’t believe in wedgies.
6 Great days begin with good underwear
7 Your boys gotta breathe
8 Form fit style take your look from tighty whities to yummy bummies
9 Wonderful things happen when you’re wearing perfect underwear
10 Make your junk feel lucky
11 “Chafing” and “underwear” are two words that should never go together.
12 Awarding men’s junk the comfort it deserves
13 Slightly more comfortable than being naked
14 If you’ve got a favorite pair of underwear that’s not ours, you’re wrong.
15 The most supportive item in your life since your mother
16 The only way these could get better, is if we added pockets. But then you wouldn’t wear pants.
17 We typically avoid this adjective when talking about underwear, but these styles look sharp
18 Run, sit, jump, work, twerk & gyrate with reckless comfort
19 Butt wait! There’s more.
20 The underwear that leaves an impression on your butt (the good kind)
21 Did you hear that? Your butt just said “thank you”
22 Make underwear great again
23 Your undercarriage hasn’t been pampered this much since you were in diapers
24 Upgrade your package to a special delivery
25 Even though they’re antimicrobial, turning them inside out so you can wear them 2 days in a row is not recommended. (But we’ve all done it)
26 Your junk wants you to buy this
27 You’re going to start looking forward to laundry day.
28 Put your You’ll go nuts over our 4-way stretch fabric
29 Handle your package with care
30 The perfect basket for your twig, bum & berries
31 If you define comfort as dipping your nethers in a cool, breezy, silky-soft bath of corn starch, then yes, our underwear is very comfortable.
32 We changed tighty whities to wonderful under-fulls
33 Put a shine on your family jewels
34 The underwear that loves your undercarriage
35 Put your seat in the lap of luxury
36 You know how guys with good abs find reasons to take off their shirt? You may start doing it with your pants.
37 The lazy man’s way to a style upgrade
38 The “Dammit. Now I need a pair for every day” underwear
39 These boxers can beat Mike Tyson
40 A special delivery for your package
41 A twig and 2 berries just gave us 5-stars
42 You’ve been wearing the wrong underwear your whole life
43 Your junk deserves a vacation
44 Your package said it gave us 7 stars. But it felt more like 5.
45 It’s about time someone got underwear right
46 Get your butt in here
47 Boxer Brief perfection
48 So soft, they make your butt cry happy tears
49 If they had pockets, you wouldn’t wear pants.
50 Your best chance at making your boys happy
51 Make your outfit better from the inside
52 You’ve been underwearing wrong. But we fixed it for you
53 This one’s for your boys
54 Creature comforts—in your pants
55 It’s OK to love our underwear. It loves you too.
56 The underwear you’ll forget you’re wearing. (Please double-check before you leave the house)
57 When dudes started talking other dudes about our underwear, we knew we got it right
58 For a man who can’t stand moose knuckles
59 We’re on a mission to obliterate swamp-ass from the face of the earth. It’s going well.
60 Your package deserves a special delivery
61 The best thing to happen to your junk since puberty
62 The most fun your dangly bits can have while still wearing underwear
63 Your butt deserves to be happy
64 So soft, they make you wish you had more dangly bits to support
65 Your under-parts are about to meet their new best friend
66 Warning! You may start doing more laundry just to wear your favorite pair again
67 Underwear for all the days you bring your junk with you
68 Form fitting underwear that moves with you—not up your butt
69 Hey! You with the bad underwear! Get in here…
70 The underwear your friends have been talking about
71 Like a Tiffany’s bag for your family jewels
72 We’re not saying this is the best underwear in the world. Our customers are.
73 Stop your giblets from sticking to your leg
74 And just like that, your underwear is the best part of your day
75 We don’t cut corners. Because any kind of “cut” or “corner” on your underwear is scary.
76 Discover the comfort of 4-way stretch fabric. On your butt.
77 We just got a call from your butt. It wants you to buy a 3-pack
78 We’re anti-junk squishing
79 Plan your outfits from your underwear out
80 The holy field of boxers
81 Feels like being naked, only a lot more socially acceptable
82 Soft butt but supportive fabric
83 Your cashmere sweater just felt our underwear and said “daaaaaamn.”
84 “Breathable underwear” shouldn’t refer to 14-year old boxers with a fly that won’t stay closed
85 The Sistine chapel of under garments
86 It’s OK if your butt falls in love with our underwear. It loves back.
87 Even ugly bums deserve to feel good
88 Go forth in good skivvies
89 Designed with a pouch that puts yours on a pedestal
90 Form-fitting, but not tight. Because constriction is the last thing you want on your nethers.
91 Comfortable, stretchy, and never boring
92 You’re not still wearing cotton underwear, are you?
93 Underwear so soft, they’ll be comparing baby’s bottoms to your butt
94 Yes, it’s weird that you talk to your friends about us so much. But it happens a lot.
95 We spent a lot of time thinking about your package. The least you could do is try it.
96 Breathable underwear feels even more wonderful than it sounds
97 We don’t like to associate “junk” with our underwear. But you’ll like to put yours in it.
98 Your balls want you to buy us
99 Good underwear fixes bad pants
100 Stop wearing lousy underwear
101 Ugly bums need love too


Overall: I’m just so happy! Maybe it’s the endorphins kicking in (post #99!!!)—but I feel great about this list. I’m glad I waited to do it. Mission accomplished.

Lessons: There’s a fine line between being cute and clear. I could’ve made 100 jokes about balls and called it a day—but I wanted to focus on the quality of the underwear, while still being playful. It was a fun challenge.

  • I scanned reviews of different brands with a variety of voices, then interpreted themes for the list.
  • It felt weird googling “funny ways to say testicles” but I did it for you.
  • I’m worried about retargeting I may get from this one. * shudder *
  • Did I mention it’s day 99?!

Time: 2 sessions, 1:45. I spent extra time getting this one right.

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