Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na… HEADLINES!

My ol’ friend Doug Paton said I should write about Wayne Enterprises. Seemed like a cool idea, but I needed something more specific. So I went tactical and settled on The Bat Belt.

 I have everything for an emergency in my utility belt… except money to pay for our food and drink. 

– Batman

Batman’s utility belt has been around since the Dark Knight was introduced. And thanks to the D.C. Database, there’s a butt-load of information available. The tough decision was how to approach it?

Image result for batman utility belt

So I went real. I got into the make-believe headspace of Batman’s designer—and I wrote as if I were selling the idea to Bruce Wayne himself. Dumb? You bet. Fun. Also yes.

Rather than make this more complicated than it needs to be, here are 100 headlines about Batman’s belt:


1Add a little practicality to your look
2Designed for fashion. Built for ass kicking.
3The utility belt that stops crime, and traffic
4The finishing touch that takes your look from tactical to fierce
5Your enemies will hate this belt
6Pair this seasonless staple with your aura of doom for baddies
7No matter the dangers you face, the answer is always in your belt
8The only belt big enough to carry your damaged childhood
9Look fierce. Feel comfortable. Fight Crime.
10Without your belt, you’re just another bat in the night
11Add a little Kapow! to your look
12A criminals worst nightmare, a heroes best friend, and active-lifestyle support for your pants
13Suspenders are for jokers
14It’s time to buckle down on crime
15Where does he get those wonderful toys? They’re in the belt.
16The belt prepared for battle
17The belt that takes you from nights on Skid Row to mornings on Wall Street
18Your complete set of crime fighting equipment
19Just because you’re a badass, doesn’t mean you can’t have style
20When the only super power you have fits in your belt, make sure it’s a big one
21Hold up your bat pants
22Goes with any outfit, from crime fighting to fundraising
23The belt that goes with anything, as long as it’s black, bulletproof and made of rubber
24When you’re fighting crime, the last thing you want is droopy drawers
25Get that look that steals the bat signal spotlight
26You’ll never find a better resource for holding up your bat pants
27The difference between being a hero & just another guy in a suit
28The belt designed for superheroes
29The belt that made fanny packs obsolete
30The Swiss Army Knife of fashion accessories
31For the superhero who needs to be prepared for anything.
32Fear is an attitude. Wear it well.
33Now everyone will be wondering where you get those wonderful toys
34Be prepared for anything
3512 compartments of fear. No ironing needed.
36Even Superman wants a Bat Belt
37New bat belt takes your look from dreary orphan to angry crime-fighter
38Sneaky little pockets for self-defense, tactical maneuvers, and pure ass-kickery
39New utility belt provides enough compartments to hide your secret identity, keys, and wall of emotions
40Fully equipped with anything you’ll ever need to save the day—now available in black.
41Meet the belt that brought down Superman
42On a good night, nobody will see what your belt can do.
43The belt you wear for pleasure (if you get thrills from destroying evil)
44Batmobile lost its wheel? Good thing you’ve got another in your belt.
45Holds up your pants, even when you wear your underwear on the outside
46The smart-looking addition to any crimefighter’s closet
47The accessory that packs as big of punch as your bat fists
48The fanny pack built for ass kicking
49Bring more BAM! to your belt
50Get the belt your enemies will kill for
51The belt that holds more than the basics
52What other belt can save you from danger, carry your tools, and make you look this good?
53The ultimate utility belt for the hero Gotham deserves
54Simple but fashionable ways to obliterate your enemies
55The cargo pants of belts
56The bat belt that takes a beating—and give one too
57“I hate this belt!” – The Penguin
58A rare hero likes you deserves something chic
59Tired of criminals snapping your bat suspenders?
60Protect Gotham City from evil, and yourself from droopy drawers
61New Bat Belt Feature—even has a compartment for Robin!
62Conceal and carry every weapon in your arsenal—with style
63Once you get enough experience under your belt, you’ll want to put it in here
64The enemy of your enemy is the support of your pants
65The “Damn, where’d you get that belt, Batman?” belt
66The utility belt that never goes off duty
67Sometimes less is more. In your case, more is more.
68How to carry every defensive weapon you’ll ever need, all at once
69Every hero needs a great belt. This one will be yours.
70What’s your best chance of making it through another night of villainy? The answer is strapped to your waist.
71The belt that can stop traffic—and wipe crime from the streets
72The belt that brings Gotham together
73The belt that strikes fear into cats, bats & penguins
74Now in adjustable sizes, for growing bet bellies
75The finishing touch on crime fighting
76With a belt like this, you don’t even need super powers
77Get the belt  worth fighting for
78Gotham is watching. Make an impact.
79Who else wants a belt that kicks ass?
80Can your belt stop crime?
81The difference between a hero and a sidekick lies in the belt
82Everything you need to fight crime, protect yourself, and hold up your bat pants
83The belt that can do anything (except save your parents)
84The crafty fashion accessory for crime fighters
85The tactical belt that’s ready for battle
86Hide that bat beer belly behind a belt of action
87Everything you need to take down the bad guys, and look damn good doing it
88The only downside to this belt is you can’t wear it when you’re not fighting crime
89Dark nights call for black belts
90Gotham’s deplorables don’t stand a chance when you look this good
91You weren’t planning on fighting crime in suspenders, were you?
92The fanny pack that picks a fight
93The belt is no joke
94The belt that packs a punch
95Designed to kick ass
96How many gadgets can you fit on your belt?
97The clown car of super hero utility belts
98The finishing touch that adds punch to your kicks
99The grab & go utility belt for crime fighting action
100Without the proper belt, you’re just another caped crusader


Overall: Hard, but good. (That’s what she said.) There were a lot of different angles to play and I tried to hit as many as possible. If I were Bruce, I think these would sell me.

Lessons: This was harder than expected. It was fun—but I struggled after 70. Marny Bassett’s bookDamn, That’s a Great Subject Line!, helped me get over the hump with the fashion lines.

  • I pulled from reviews for a variety of products: Police gear, ammunition belts & utility kilts
  • The better lines (at least, the ones I like best) came when I was having fun
  • I ditched direct response. I was writing for an audience of one, so it didn’t seem necessary

Time: 2 hours over 3 sessions. But it was worth it because I found this:

Image result for batman slap meme








3 more days!!!