Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na… HEADLINES!

My ol’ friend Doug Paton said I should write about Wayne Enterprises. Seemed like a cool idea, but I needed something more specific. So I went tactical and settled on The Bat Belt.

 I have everything for an emergency in my utility belt… except money to pay for our food and drink. 

– Batman

Batman’s utility belt has been around since the Dark Knight was introduced. And thanks to the D.C. Database, there’s a butt-load of information available. The tough decision was how to approach it?

Image result for batman utility belt

So I went real. I got into the make-believe headspace of Batman’s designer—and I wrote as if I were selling the idea to Bruce Wayne himself. Dumb? You bet. Fun. Also yes.

Rather than make this more complicated than it needs to be, here are 100 headlines about Batman’s belt:

 

1 Add a little practicality to your look
2 Designed for fashion. Built for ass kicking.
3 The utility belt that stops crime, and traffic
4 The finishing touch that takes your look from tactical to fierce
5 Your enemies will hate this belt
6 Pair this seasonless staple with your aura of doom for baddies
7 No matter the dangers you face, the answer is always in your belt
8 The only belt big enough to carry your damaged childhood
9 Look fierce. Feel comfortable. Fight Crime.
10 Without your belt, you’re just another bat in the night
11 Add a little Kapow! to your look
12 A criminals worst nightmare, a heroes best friend, and active-lifestyle support for your pants
13 Suspenders are for jokers
14 It’s time to buckle down on crime
15 Where does he get those wonderful toys? They’re in the belt.
16 The belt prepared for battle
17 The belt that takes you from nights on Skid Row to mornings on Wall Street
18 Your complete set of crime fighting equipment
19 Just because you’re a badass, doesn’t mean you can’t have style
20 When the only super power you have fits in your belt, make sure it’s a big one
21 Hold up your bat pants
22 Goes with any outfit, from crime fighting to fundraising
23 The belt that goes with anything, as long as it’s black, bulletproof and made of rubber
24 When you’re fighting crime, the last thing you want is droopy drawers
25 Get that look that steals the bat signal spotlight
26 You’ll never find a better resource for holding up your bat pants
27 The difference between being a hero & just another guy in a suit
28 The belt designed for superheroes
29 The belt that made fanny packs obsolete
30 The Swiss Army Knife of fashion accessories
31 For the superhero who needs to be prepared for anything.
32 Fear is an attitude. Wear it well.
33 Now everyone will be wondering where you get those wonderful toys
34 Be prepared for anything
35 12 compartments of fear. No ironing needed.
36 Even Superman wants a Bat Belt
37 New bat belt takes your look from dreary orphan to angry crime-fighter
38 Sneaky little pockets for self-defense, tactical maneuvers, and pure ass-kickery
39 New utility belt provides enough compartments to hide your secret identity, keys, and wall of emotions
40 Fully equipped with anything you’ll ever need to save the day—now available in black.
41 Meet the belt that brought down Superman
42 On a good night, nobody will see what your belt can do.
43 The belt you wear for pleasure (if you get thrills from destroying evil)
44 Batmobile lost its wheel? Good thing you’ve got another in your belt.
45 Holds up your pants, even when you wear your underwear on the outside
46 The smart-looking addition to any crimefighter’s closet
47 The accessory that packs as big of punch as your bat fists
48 The fanny pack built for ass kicking
49 Bring more BAM! to your belt
50 Get the belt your enemies will kill for
51 The belt that holds more than the basics
52 What other belt can save you from danger, carry your tools, and make you look this good?
53 The ultimate utility belt for the hero Gotham deserves
54 Simple but fashionable ways to obliterate your enemies
55 The cargo pants of belts
56 The bat belt that takes a beating—and give one too
57 “I hate this belt!” – The Penguin
58 A rare hero likes you deserves something chic
59 Tired of criminals snapping your bat suspenders?
60 Protect Gotham City from evil, and yourself from droopy drawers
61 New Bat Belt Feature—even has a compartment for Robin!
62 Conceal and carry every weapon in your arsenal—with style
63 Once you get enough experience under your belt, you’ll want to put it in here
64 The enemy of your enemy is the support of your pants
65 The “Damn, where’d you get that belt, Batman?” belt
66 The utility belt that never goes off duty
67 Sometimes less is more. In your case, more is more.
68 How to carry every defensive weapon you’ll ever need, all at once
69 Every hero needs a great belt. This one will be yours.
70 What’s your best chance of making it through another night of villainy? The answer is strapped to your waist.
71 The belt that can stop traffic—and wipe crime from the streets
72 The belt that brings Gotham together
73 The belt that strikes fear into cats, bats & penguins
74 Now in adjustable sizes, for growing bet bellies
75 The finishing touch on crime fighting
76 With a belt like this, you don’t even need super powers
77 Get the belt  worth fighting for
78 Gotham is watching. Make an impact.
79 Who else wants a belt that kicks ass?
80 Can your belt stop crime?
81 The difference between a hero and a sidekick lies in the belt
82 Everything you need to fight crime, protect yourself, and hold up your bat pants
83 The belt that can do anything (except save your parents)
84 The crafty fashion accessory for crime fighters
85 The tactical belt that’s ready for battle
86 Hide that bat beer belly behind a belt of action
87 Everything you need to take down the bad guys, and look damn good doing it
88 The only downside to this belt is you can’t wear it when you’re not fighting crime
89 Dark nights call for black belts
90 Gotham’s deplorables don’t stand a chance when you look this good
91 You weren’t planning on fighting crime in suspenders, were you?
92 The fanny pack that picks a fight
93 The belt is no joke
94 The belt that packs a punch
95 Designed to kick ass
96 How many gadgets can you fit on your belt?
97 The clown car of super hero utility belts
98 The finishing touch that adds punch to your kicks
99 The grab & go utility belt for crime fighting action
100 Without the proper belt, you’re just another caped crusader

 

Overall: Hard, but good. (That’s what she said.) There were a lot of different angles to play and I tried to hit as many as possible. If I were Bruce, I think these would sell me.

Lessons: This was harder than expected. It was fun—but I struggled after 70. Marny Bassett’s bookDamn, That’s a Great Subject Line!, helped me get over the hump with the fashion lines.

  • I pulled from reviews for a variety of products: Police gear, ammunition belts & utility kilts
  • The better lines (at least, the ones I like best) came when I was having fun
  • I ditched direct response. I was writing for an audience of one, so it didn’t seem necessary

Time: 2 hours over 3 sessions. But it was worth it because I found this:

Image result for batman slap meme

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 more days!!!