Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na… HEADLINES!
My ol’ friend Doug Paton said I should write about Wayne Enterprises. Seemed like a cool idea, but I needed something more specific. So I went tactical and settled on The Bat Belt.
I have everything for an emergency in my utility belt… except money to pay for our food and drink.
Batman’s utility belt has been around since the Dark Knight was introduced. And thanks to the D.C. Database, there’s a butt-load of information available. The tough decision was how to approach it?
So I went real. I got into the make-believe headspace of Batman’s designer—and I wrote as if I were selling the idea to Bruce Wayne himself. Dumb? You bet. Fun. Also yes.
Rather than make this more complicated than it needs to be, here are 100 headlines about Batman’s belt:
|Add a little practicality to your look
|Designed for fashion. Built for ass kicking.
|The utility belt that stops crime, and traffic
|The finishing touch that takes your look from tactical to fierce
|Your enemies will hate this belt
|Pair this seasonless staple with your aura of doom for baddies
|No matter the dangers you face, the answer is always in your belt
|The only belt big enough to carry your damaged childhood
|Look fierce. Feel comfortable. Fight Crime.
|Without your belt, you’re just another bat in the night
|Add a little Kapow! to your look
|A criminals worst nightmare, a heroes best friend, and active-lifestyle support for your pants
|Suspenders are for jokers
|It’s time to buckle down on crime
|Where does he get those wonderful toys? They’re in the belt.
|The belt prepared for battle
|The belt that takes you from nights on Skid Row to mornings on Wall Street
|Your complete set of crime fighting equipment
|Just because you’re a badass, doesn’t mean you can’t have style
|When the only super power you have fits in your belt, make sure it’s a big one
|Hold up your bat pants
|Goes with any outfit, from crime fighting to fundraising
|The belt that goes with anything, as long as it’s black, bulletproof and made of rubber
|When you’re fighting crime, the last thing you want is droopy drawers
|Get that look that steals the bat signal spotlight
|You’ll never find a better resource for holding up your bat pants
|The difference between being a hero & just another guy in a suit
|The belt designed for superheroes
|The belt that made fanny packs obsolete
|The Swiss Army Knife of fashion accessories
|For the superhero who needs to be prepared for anything.
|Fear is an attitude. Wear it well.
|Now everyone will be wondering where you get those wonderful toys
|Be prepared for anything
|12 compartments of fear. No ironing needed.
|Even Superman wants a Bat Belt
|New bat belt takes your look from dreary orphan to angry crime-fighter
|Sneaky little pockets for self-defense, tactical maneuvers, and pure ass-kickery
|New utility belt provides enough compartments to hide your secret identity, keys, and wall of emotions
|Fully equipped with anything you’ll ever need to save the day—now available in black.
|Meet the belt that brought down Superman
|On a good night, nobody will see what your belt can do.
|The belt you wear for pleasure (if you get thrills from destroying evil)
|Batmobile lost its wheel? Good thing you’ve got another in your belt.
|Holds up your pants, even when you wear your underwear on the outside
|The smart-looking addition to any crimefighter’s closet
|The accessory that packs as big of punch as your bat fists
|The fanny pack built for ass kicking
|Bring more BAM! to your belt
|Get the belt your enemies will kill for
|The belt that holds more than the basics
|What other belt can save you from danger, carry your tools, and make you look this good?
|The ultimate utility belt for the hero Gotham deserves
|Simple but fashionable ways to obliterate your enemies
|The cargo pants of belts
|The bat belt that takes a beating—and give one too
|“I hate this belt!” – The Penguin
|A rare hero likes you deserves something chic
|Tired of criminals snapping your bat suspenders?
|Protect Gotham City from evil, and yourself from droopy drawers
|New Bat Belt Feature—even has a compartment for Robin!
|Conceal and carry every weapon in your arsenal—with style
|Once you get enough experience under your belt, you’ll want to put it in here
|The enemy of your enemy is the support of your pants
|The “Damn, where’d you get that belt, Batman?” belt
|The utility belt that never goes off duty
|Sometimes less is more. In your case, more is more.
|How to carry every defensive weapon you’ll ever need, all at once
|Every hero needs a great belt. This one will be yours.
|What’s your best chance of making it through another night of villainy? The answer is strapped to your waist.
|The belt that can stop traffic—and wipe crime from the streets
|The belt that brings Gotham together
|The belt that strikes fear into cats, bats & penguins
|Now in adjustable sizes, for growing bet bellies
|The finishing touch on crime fighting
|With a belt like this, you don’t even need super powers
|Get the belt worth fighting for
|Gotham is watching. Make an impact.
|Who else wants a belt that kicks ass?
|Can your belt stop crime?
|The difference between a hero and a sidekick lies in the belt
|Everything you need to fight crime, protect yourself, and hold up your bat pants
|The belt that can do anything (except save your parents)
|The crafty fashion accessory for crime fighters
|The tactical belt that’s ready for battle
|Hide that bat beer belly behind a belt of action
|Everything you need to take down the bad guys, and look damn good doing it
|The only downside to this belt is you can’t wear it when you’re not fighting crime
|Dark nights call for black belts
|Gotham’s deplorables don’t stand a chance when you look this good
|You weren’t planning on fighting crime in suspenders, were you?
|The fanny pack that picks a fight
|The belt is no joke
|The belt that packs a punch
|Designed to kick ass
|How many gadgets can you fit on your belt?
|The clown car of super hero utility belts
|The finishing touch that adds punch to your kicks
|The grab & go utility belt for crime fighting action
|Without the proper belt, you’re just another caped crusader
Overall: Hard, but good. (That’s what she said.) There were a lot of different angles to play and I tried to hit as many as possible. If I were Bruce, I think these would sell me.
Lessons: This was harder than expected. It was fun—but I struggled after 70. Marny Bassett’s book, Damn, That’s a Great Subject Line!, helped me get over the hump with the fashion lines.
- I pulled from reviews for a variety of products: Police gear, ammunition belts & utility kilts
- The better lines (at least, the ones I like best) came when I was having fun
- I ditched direct response. I was writing for an audience of one, so it didn’t seem necessary
Time: 2 hours over 3 sessions. But it was worth it because I found this:
3 more days!!!