Do you ever watch Silicon Valley? This one’s about Hooli.
For those who don’t know, Hooli is TV version of Google. But more big-bad-giant-y. Their leader, Gavin Belson, is a jackass. He’s pompous, unaware, and one of my favorite characters on television.
The writers poke a lot of fun at all the techno-jargon used in the industry—and from what I’ve seen during this project, rightfully so. I thought it might be a kick to play that game for a day. Then I’ll jump into my final 10.
Now, the beauty of Gavin is his self-importance. Hooli’s own tagline, Making the World A Better Place is just one of the glorious phrases he utters. Other favorites being:
- In order to achieve greatness, we must first achieve goodness
- In case you didn’t know, here at Hooli, we make the impossible possible.
- Anyone who tells you their platform is faster than ours better have good lawyers.
Here are 102 more to fit right in line.
(Yes, this is meant to be ridiculous.)
| 1 | Everything you read on the internet is now true—because of us |
| 2 | We made the internet–and we made you |
| 3 | You will never find fault at Hooli* |
| 4 | Our young visionaries are fueled with passion & exquisite gourmet meals prepared by celebrity chefs |
| 5 | You only become the most respected brand in the world when you have the smartest people on your team |
| 6 | Your future depends on us |
| 7 | We are leading beyond the best leaders of all-time |
| 8 | Everything you love about the internet is Hooli |
| 9 | We think so far outside the box, there is no box |
| 10 | You can only achieve your dreams because of us |
| 11 | The only technology better than Hooli is nothing |
| 12 | Inspiring the greatest thinkers of our time |
| 13 | The only limitations we face is your bandwidth |
| 14 | Your world is in our hands |
| 15 | At the cornerstone of everything great in this world, lies Hooli |
| 16 | Our internal spirit of freedom and trust was designed our beliefs for the entire world |
| 17 | We are the foundation for all the good in your life |
| 18 | Mobile, digital and social products that will change the world as we know it |
| 19 | We dream of a bigger world than you can ever imagine |
| 20 | Helping everyone in the world make the world better |
| 21 | Redefining what it means to be a global technology company |
| 22 | Responsible for all accurate information on the internet |
| 23 | When you achieve all you’ve ever dreamed of, you’ll have Hooli to thank |
| 24 | Making the world a better place better than anyone else |
| 25 | Your future starts with Hooli |
| 26 | The technology provider for the smartest minds on the planet |
| 27 | Built on the shoulders of giants, who are now members of our team |
| 28 | Working toward a better tomorrow, today |
| 29 | Built by the smartest people on the planet |
| 30 | Everything you love in life is powered through our technology |
| 31 | Unparalleled creativity unmatched by any company on the planet |
| 32 | Our magnificent leaders don’t get in the way of our emerging geniuses |
| 33 | A company captained by pioneers of the technology industry |
| 34 | Dreaming the impossible until it’s not |
| 35 | Though we’ve created the greatest technology on the planet, we believe better is possible |
| 36 | Simply the best technology and the best mobile products ever created |
| 37 | One world under one visionary |
| 38 | Out of all the websites all over the world, Hooli’s is the best |
| 39 | We’re not just the prettiest face in Silicon Valley. We’re the prettiest face in the world. |
| 40 | Bringing the world wide web to the world |
| 41 | Thinking globally and acting globally |
| 42 | Hooli is the building block for a better you |
| 43 | There’s more information on the internet than ever before—and we put it there |
| 44 | We will spare no expense proving that everyone else is wrong and their ideas are crap |
| 45 | The only limitations you’ll ever encounter using Hooli will be your fault |
| 46 | We believe our technology will be the driving force to end racism all over the world |
| 47 | We are the builders of your dreams |
| 48 | We wanted the world to be better. So we started with ourselves. |
| 49 | We can only get better from here |
| 50 | We are committed to righting everything wrong in the world |
| 51 | We take bad ideas and turn them into something great |
| 52 | Hooli is the change you want to see in the world |
| 53 | We make the internet better for you. You’re welcome. |
| 54 | Yes, we are the best company in the world. But we’re so much more than that. |
| 55 | We create the impossible, and make it not |
| 56 | The only thing stopping us from achieving world harmony is the limitations we put upon ourselves |
| 57 | Our unparalleled achievements in technology are only one of the many reasons we’re the best company in the world |
| 58 | We built the greatest technological platform in the history of mankind. Period |
| 59 | We have the fastest platform in the world—all over the world |
| 60 | Singlehandedly the best company on the face of the Earth |
| 61 | Wild ideas so far outside the box, that you can’t even fathom their existence |
| 62 | There may be people starving in 3rd world countries—but they will have internet—and it will be powered by Hooli |
| 63 | Our thousands and thousands of accolades mean nothing to us if there is more to win |
| 64 | Our magnificence is only one small part of what makes us great |
| 65 | Technology that makes a difference |
| 66 | The good products we build today will only be replaced by the better products we build tomorrow |
| 67 | We believe a better tomorrow will be achieved with our technology |
| 68 | A company with so many technological achievements, we’ve literally redefined the definition |
| 69 | The excellency of your future is in our hands |
| 70 | We do more than break down walls–we build them back up, stronger than ever |
| 71 | Discover how incredible we can make your life |
| 72 | Every product we build today is merely testing for a better tomorrow |
| 73 | Your better future starts today |
| 74 | At Hooli, our world of tomorrow starts at 12:00 AM |
| 75 | Innovation without our technology simply isn’t possible |
| 76 | Are you making all the technology mistakes of our competitors? |
| 77 | Your internet is only possible because of us |
| 78 | Eliminating human error from technology |
| 79 | Our entire company saves the world every single day |
| 80 | Saving the world from Data-geddon |
| 81 | Where the greatest ideas of all time are birthed on a daily basis |
| 82 | We are the good in the world |
| 83 | Building a better tomorrow, today |
| 84 | We don’t create technology. We revolutionize it. |
| 85 | We make the things that make the internet |
| 86 | We turn the impossible into the very possible & accomplished |
| 87 | Our internal spirit of freedom and trust expands beyond our company borders |
| 88 | If better technology is created by another company, it doesn’t exist |
| 89 | Connecting the world with itself, wherever available |
| 90 | We don’t just make the world better—we make you better |
| 91 | The only thing better than what we will build today, is the future we build tomorrow |
| 92 | Inspiration begins with our technology |
| 93 | No company on the face of planet Earth has the capabilities of building anything better than us |
| 94 | Your life is built on Hooli |
| 95 | If you love it, it’s Hooli |
| 96 | We’re not just the most innovative thinkers in the world. We’re also the smartest. |
| 97 | Interactive, digital, mobile, adaptable solutions–for you |
| 98 | No dream is impossible with Hooli |
| 99 | Everything great about the world is because of us |
| 100 | We never stop making things better for you |
| 101 | We created everything you love on the internet |
| 102 | Only the best people, only the best technology, and only the best company on the planet |
Overall: I’m not even going to judge this. It’s just for fun.
Lessons: Umm….
Time: 52 minutes over 2 sessions
Ready for the final 10? Sign up below for the last 2 recaps!
Get The Best Of The Last 1,000 Lines
Skip straight to the good stuff & learn the lessons I’ve learned from writing the last 10 posts. Save yourself from all the practice hours. And caffeine.
Recent Comments