I’m still getting the “hang” of these new lines. Get it? Cuz I’m writing about Hang Ups? Eh?

* Nudge Nudge *

…Never mind.

Yesterday’s second attempt at a post for 5-hour Energy came out OK, but not tremendous. Today I’m going to try it with a rehash of Teeter Hang-Ups.

For those that may not remember this one from day 22, inversion tables are used for back injuries and sciatica pain. I use one for an old hockey injury. Also, because my son thinks I’m Batman when I hang upside-down.

Hey, you don’t know that I’m not Batman

Image result for batman upside down

source: http://dailym.ai/2xlyumW

Anyway, this will be day 3 of using the Direct Response lines. Let’s see how it goes:

1 For the tense-muscle sufferer tired of being in pain
2 Would you believe it? I couldn’t touch my toes yesterday.
3 To the back pain sufferer who want to remember what it’s like to touch their toes
4 New inversion table flips back pain on its head
5 I’m 18″ more flexible by using a Teeter
6 Is it crazy to approach back pain relief from an upside down angle?
7 For people with tight muscles who hate foam rollers
8 Back pain relief at a lower cost than a chiropractor
9 When you buy from craigslist, you own that table whether you like it not
10 In just over 20 seconds, you’ll take all the weight all your spine it’s been holding all day
11 Most chiropractors work from 9-5 on weekdays. But those aren’t the hours when your back hurts the most
12 An easy way to make your back feel better
13 Turning back pain on its head, one table at a time
14 If you’ve already gone through the day with back pain, don’t read this. You’ll regret every painful minute
15 Now! Back pain relief without the need for doctors and a co-pay
16 The “ahh, my back feels great!” inversion table
17 Most chiropractor bills have a $20 copay and require continued treatment for life. Our product is just $399.95 and works in 2 minutes. No copay.
18 To the back pain sufferer who will settle for nothing less than touching their toes
19 When you go to the chiropractor, you pay whether they help you or not
20 Now! Inversion tables without the fear of falling or getting stuck upside down!
21 How to develop a looser spine, flexible hamstrings, and a skip in your step
22 How to increase your flexibility and mobility without going to the doctor
23 90 degrees are the reason my back pain is disappearing
24 We sell the product you see at your sporting goods store, only ours are safe to use at home
25 If your teeter isn’t right for you, we’ll take it back—Free
26 What would become of you if your back went out tomorrow?
27 All you need to do is flip and stretch
28 New back pain solution adds space between your spine and makes you feel like you’re floating
29 Your best chance to make your back pain disappear? The answer might gravity
30 Flips back pain right on its head
31 Loosen your spine in under 2 minutes
32 How to increase your range of motion without going to physical therapy
33 Like reaching for the sky, but from the opposite angle
34 Flip back pain right out of your body
35 Sciatica flare-ups can be foreseen—and prevented
36 Which sciatica suffer uses a teeter? And which had surgery?
37 For sciatica and muscle pain you want gone in 20 seconds
38 Never struggle to stand up straight, and start turning yourself upside down
39 If you’ve already bought a gimmick for your back, don’t read this. It’ll make you mad
40 The back pain table that turns your problem on its head
41 Stretches away back pain
42 in 2 minutes, Teeter begins relieving back pain
43 Most professional tables cost over $4,000. At Teeter, you can always try ours for just $14.95. No tricks.
44 Enjoy the day without the back pain
45 Where spines stretch longer
46 The same product you see at the sporting goods store, without the rattle and cheap parts
47 Electric inversion tables cost over $4,000 dollars. We sell ours for just $399.95. Which would you rather pay?
48 Back pain relief that pays for itself in your own home
49 Almost everyone has a sore back. Here’s how to make it gone
50 The inversion table that doesn’t feel rickety
51 To a back pain sufferer who would like to feel whole again
52 Don’t just stretch – stretch upside down
53 The one back pain table that’s reducing the need for surgery 70.5%
54 Where you feel your back pain stretch away, and sciatica pulls the pinch
55 Top quality chiropractic equipment usually sells for $4,000 dollars. Ours is $399.95. Which would you rather pay?
56 Helping tight muscles stretch out all the kinks
57 We sell the same tables your doctors use for 50% less
58 Almost everyone would pay to have their back pain stretch away. Here’s how we do it.
59 An easy way to stretch away back pain
60 Don’t give one cent of your hard-earned money to a chiropractor until you try this treatment
61 The difference between inversion tables is the quality of the parts
62 To anyone suffering from sciatica, who would like to never hear that word again
63 I’m as flexible as I was at 21
64 We have 4 different models in fully adjustable sizes, all for less than $400
65 You may not have seen Teeter Hang-ups on TV, but we want to help your back
66 Rediscover what it’s like not to walk in pain
67 Who else wants back pain relief without medicine, surgery, or doctors?
68 Would you ever believe that I couldn’t get out of bed last week?
69 I’d like to give this to my fellow back pain sufferer… while I am still able to help
70 What’s the best way to ease your back pain? The answer might be approaching it from a new angle
71 Your back pain can be half as bad tomorrow—and halved again after that
72 The difference between inversion tables is the confidence ours won’t fall apart while you’re on it
73 How to reach the sky when it’s above your toes
74 The inversion table for better backs
75 If your Teeter doesn’t help you, we’ll take it back- for free
76 The inversion table that remedies your pain from a new angle
77 Don’t pay one more copay to a doctor until you read about Teeter
78 What would become of your life if your back pain continued to increase?
79 Who else wants a healthier spine without surgery?
80 Send me to any city in the United States, and I’ll show you a person whose back feels better because of a Teeter
81 Most back specialists work 9-5. But you can’t control when your sciatica will flare up
82 In two minutes, you’ll begin feeling pain free all day
83 Announcing a new inversion table that reduces the need for surgery by 70.5%
84 Where back pain sufferers get the stretch they’ve been missing
85 Back pain can be foreseen from the moment you start working hard—and prevented
86 Announcing a new exercise machine for people seeking back relief in a few minutes a day
87 You don’t know it yet, but you want to stretch upside down before it’s too late
88 Would you believe it? I have sciatica!
89 Stop reaching up to stretch, and start flipping yourself over
90 Helping back pain sufferers get the relief they need
91 I’d like to give this to anyone who suffers back pain with me—so they can see how good it feels
92 How to stretch your back, relieve sciatica, and walk around like you did before you were in pain
93 Almost everyone knows back pain. We know the cure.
94 Back pain sufferers – your spine isn’t going to stretch itself
95 You are twice as flexible as you think
96 Send me to any chiropractor in the United States, or any back pain specialist, and I’ll walk away with complete list of signatures from doctors who recommend inversion therapy
97 Is it odd to cure back pain like this?
98 To the back pain sufferer who wants nothing less than a full range of mobility
99 Which back pain sufferer has the teeter? And which one doesn’t trust their table?
100 To the men & women who want to touch their toes again

 

Overall: A little old-school. There are some good lines here, and I think the best ones may be better than the first post. But overall, they felt a little too newspaper ad-ish. Which makes total sense given the source, but that’s not what I’m going for here.

Lessons: I’ve started whittling down the Direct Response list from about 37 to 20 or so lines that I like. I’ll continue to pare it down and get back to my usual posting style tomorrow

Time: Only about 40 minutes since it was straight from a list.

P.S. – I apparently tagged yesterday’s post wrong & it didn’t show up in under the correct section. Sorry about that!

Image result for fixed it meme

 

Note – Some of the claims made above are fictitious. This isn’t an ad for Teeter, so please don’t tell them “Justin said this would make me better and I could return it for free!” – cuz I’m telling you now, I’ve done zero research on this.