By now you know I hate clickbait. It cheapens the craft and pays a disservice to the masters who created the foundation on which they’re stolen built. In an effort to not create more internet schlock, I’ve steered away from classic lines. But now that I’m nearing the end of the project (can I get a Hallelujah?), I want to challenge myself .

So I’m tossing my existing template.

Today will be a test. I’ve got a list of 37 great Direct Response headlines. I’m going to take a previous post I could’ve done better, SoapSox, and run down list 3 times. It won’t be exciting to write, but I’m looking forward to seeing the results.

I want to learn how to use the power of these lines for good—and not for disappointing videos of a porcupine eating grapes… which I’ll admit is adorable. But c’mon! Do you really need to rip of Eugene Schwartz to get me to watch it? And will I really not believe the 14th thing Jennifer Lawrence has in common with a Kit Kat?

Sorry. I get passionate…

Here’s a 2nd attempt at SoapSox: The next generation of washcloths (uggh.)

1I’ve got almost a whole year without fighting over bath time!
2New! Happy toddlers during bath time without the fights!
3Which parent has the dirty, angry toddlers? And which has the SoapSox?
4Bath toys at a lower price than therapy due to fighting
5Before you fight over bath time tonight, order the toy that will ease the pain tomorrow
6A new toy that puts a big soapy smile on your toddler’s face
7Bath time meltdowns can be prevented when they can bring their toys in the tub
8Is it wrong that bath time can be this easy?
9Only 6,000 of each Disney characters are produced for our toddlers
10Who else wants a clean, happy toddler without the pre-bath fight?
11Almost every parent struggles with bath time. Here’s how to make it easier
12You don’t know this yet, but this simple idea can save bath time
13Most toddlers get tired before baths. But now they’ll be wide awake for the fun.
14Disney characters are only available for a limited time
15Send the bath time hate right down the drain
16Now! Disney characters make bath time a blast!
17We sell the same characters you’ll find on Disney properties, but for 20% less.
18To the parent who will settle for nothing less than the happiest, cleanest toddler on the block
19How happy would you be if you suddenly stopped fighting with your toddler over bath time?
20What’s the best chance to make bath time easy? The answer might be a puppet
21Introducing a new toy for toddlers who hate getting in the bath
22Would you believe this toddler used to hate bath time?
23To the men and women who want clean toddlers without a fight
24If you’ve already thrown in the towel over bath time, you’re going to want to pick it back up.
25How to develop the terrycloth touch for getting your toddler into the bath
26Bath time is 3-times easier when you use SoapSox
27Most toddlers start counting down the minutes until bath time is over. With Soapsox, they’ll count down to the start
28To the Dad who wants to make his toddler happy at every point of the day
29Bath times are twice as easy as you think
30Who knew bath time could be this easy?
31Is it cheating to make bath time this easy?
323 times the fun, and all the bath time giggles, guaranteed
3312 animal shapes that will change bath time forever
34An easy way to make toddlers love the bath
35Bed and bath time fights are easy to predict. And just as easy to avoid with this new toy.
36What’s your best chance at getting a clean, happy toddler? This bath toy may surprise you.
37Now! Bath time without arguments, and smiles instead of screaming!
38How to turn bath time into the happiest part of the day
39The difference between happy baths and a fight with your toddler
4012 fuzzy reasons why bath time just got more fun
41To the parent who’s waving the white flag about fighting over bath time
42You don’t know it yet, but bath time is about to become easier
43A new bath toy that makes your toddler happier than a trip to Disneyland
44Don’t scream at your toddler who hates baths until you read this
45Who else wants to give their toddler a bath without the kicking and screaming?
46What would happen to your attitude if bath time suddenly became fun?
47How much would you pay for an easier bath time? Is it less than $15.99?
48How to make your toddler happy without fighting outside the bath
49How to turn bath time into a toddler playground
50To all the parents tired of fighting with dirty toddlers
51The same characters you’ll find at Disney, for 20% less. Which would you rather pay?
52When you buy SoapSox for kids, you’re buying a happier bath time
53If you’ve already given your bath-hating toddler a wash today, this will frustrate you even more…
54Almost every toddler hates bath time. Here’s how to make it easy.
55An easy way to make bath time fun
56To a worn-out parent who like to have a clean toddler without a fight
57Makes bath time arguments spin down the drain
58We have 12 different animals and all your favorite Disney characters, plus family packs, starting at $9.99
59Disney bath toys sell for $19 to $25. Our start at $12.99. Which would you rather pay?
60In the time it takes to ship, Soapsox makes bath time fun
61Would you believe this mom used to fight with her toddler about getting in the bath?
62New bath toys make more toddlers happier than a trip to Disney World
63An always ready-to-go stuffed animal for bath & bedtime
64The difference between an easy bath and a fight might be a stuffed animal
65How to make bath time fun without your toddler melting down
66Show me any toddler who hates getting in the bath, and I’ll show you a washable stuffed animal he’ll want to jump in the tub with.
67From the first drop of water in the tub, your toddler will look forward to their bath
68If you’ve already fought with your toddler over bath time tonight, don’t read this. It’ll break your heart
69Are you twice as tired after bath time than you were before?
70To the parents who fight with their kids about bath time, we have something for you
71Which kid loves baths? And which hated them until he got SoapSox?
72To a tired mom who just wants bath time to happen without a fight
73How to increase your quality time while cleaning your toddler without the fight
74If your toddler doesn’t love SoapSox, we’ll replace it for free
75I’d like to give this to my fellow parents… before their next bath time fight
76Get the same characters you saw on Shark Tank for 35% less
77Most toddlers start fighting about bath time hours before they get in the tub. SoapSox saves you hours of arguments every night.
78An always clean, always ready, bath time puppet for toddlers
79The difference between a peaceful evening full of smiles, and another argument over their bath
80This dad had a million-dollar idea–and here’s what happened when he went on Shark Tank
81I’d like to this to any mom with a toddler… who’s tired of fighting over bath time
82Bathtub fighting can be predicted like clockwork. Here’s a way to prevent it .
83Show me any toddler who loves animals or Disney, but hates taking baths, and I’ll show you how much fun bath time can be
8412 adorable reasons why your toddlers will love bath time
85I’d like to give this to every parent of a fussy toddler, before they fight over bath time
86How to make bath time easier and put a smile on your toddler’s clean face
87We always have 14 different animals and 3 Disney characters ready to ship
88Almost everyone has a cranky toddler at bath time. Here’s how to make them happy
89What’s the best way to make bath time easier? This washcloth may surprise you
90Bathtub toys can change your toddler’s attitude if you play your cards right
91Announcing a new way to wash your toddlers without the screaming
92How to develop a gentle touch and bathtub attitude like Mary Poppins
93Top quality bath toys usually sell for $25 or more. We sell them from $9.99-$12.99
94An easy to make your toddler happy in the bath
95Announcing a new toy for toddlers who hate bath time
96Get twice as many bath time giggles than you do now
97A menagerie of different animals, available in Disney characters and multipacks, starting at just $9.99
98How much less wine would you need at night if you didn’t have to fight with your toddler about their bath?
99Most toddlers kick and scream from the moment you turn on the water. SoapSox saves years of fighting. No punching. No splashing.
100To a million-dollar mom who would pay anything to make bath time easier


Overall: Holy moly! These are so much better! Some border on clickbait, but I don’t think they cross the line. I instantly like this post better than the last attempt.

Lessons: I didn’t think Direct Response lines would translate well. Boy, was I wrong. There’s such power behind this. I need to learn these more.

  • Here’s proof that you don’t have to be cheesy with great lines
  • The stats and claims are completely made up for testing purposed. 100% fiction
  • Part of me is kicking myself for not using these earlier, but honestly, I think it’s better this way. I’ve got more respect for what I’m aspiring to become—and for what I’ve done on my own.
  • I’m going to use the same method again tomorrow &practice more with these lines.

Time: 45 minutes. This was short due to fill-in-the-blanks templating.

Come back tomorrow. I’ll tray again.