By now you know I hate clickbait. It cheapens the craft and pays a disservice to the masters who created the foundation on which they’re stolen built. In an effort to not create more internet schlock, I’ve steered away from classic lines. But now that I’m nearing the end of the project (can I get a Hallelujah?), I want to challenge myself .

So I’m tossing my existing template.

Today will be a test. I’ve got a list of 37 great Direct Response headlines. I’m going to take a previous post I could’ve done better, SoapSox, and run down list 3 times. It won’t be exciting to write, but I’m looking forward to seeing the results.

I want to learn how to use the power of these lines for good—and not for disappointing videos of a porcupine eating grapes… which I’ll admit is adorable. But c’mon! Do you really need to rip of Eugene Schwartz to get me to watch it? And will I really not believe the 14th thing Jennifer Lawrence has in common with a Kit Kat?

Sorry. I get passionate…

Here’s a 2nd attempt at SoapSox: The next generation of washcloths (uggh.)

1 I’ve got almost a whole year without fighting over bath time!
2 New! Happy toddlers during bath time without the fights!
3 Which parent has the dirty, angry toddlers? And which has the SoapSox?
4 Bath toys at a lower price than therapy due to fighting
5 Before you fight over bath time tonight, order the toy that will ease the pain tomorrow
6 A new toy that puts a big soapy smile on your toddler’s face
7 Bath time meltdowns can be prevented when they can bring their toys in the tub
8 Is it wrong that bath time can be this easy?
9 Only 6,000 of each Disney characters are produced for our toddlers
10 Who else wants a clean, happy toddler without the pre-bath fight?
11 Almost every parent struggles with bath time. Here’s how to make it easier
12 You don’t know this yet, but this simple idea can save bath time
13 Most toddlers get tired before baths. But now they’ll be wide awake for the fun.
14 Disney characters are only available for a limited time
15 Send the bath time hate right down the drain
16 Now! Disney characters make bath time a blast!
17 We sell the same characters you’ll find on Disney properties, but for 20% less.
18 To the parent who will settle for nothing less than the happiest, cleanest toddler on the block
19 How happy would you be if you suddenly stopped fighting with your toddler over bath time?
20 What’s the best chance to make bath time easy? The answer might be a puppet
21 Introducing a new toy for toddlers who hate getting in the bath
22 Would you believe this toddler used to hate bath time?
23 To the men and women who want clean toddlers without a fight
24 If you’ve already thrown in the towel over bath time, you’re going to want to pick it back up.
25 How to develop the terrycloth touch for getting your toddler into the bath
26 Bath time is 3-times easier when you use SoapSox
27 Most toddlers start counting down the minutes until bath time is over. With Soapsox, they’ll count down to the start
28 To the Dad who wants to make his toddler happy at every point of the day
29 Bath times are twice as easy as you think
30 Who knew bath time could be this easy?
31 Is it cheating to make bath time this easy?
32 3 times the fun, and all the bath time giggles, guaranteed
33 12 animal shapes that will change bath time forever
34 An easy way to make toddlers love the bath
35 Bed and bath time fights are easy to predict. And just as easy to avoid with this new toy.
36 What’s your best chance at getting a clean, happy toddler? This bath toy may surprise you.
37 Now! Bath time without arguments, and smiles instead of screaming!
38 How to turn bath time into the happiest part of the day
39 The difference between happy baths and a fight with your toddler
40 12 fuzzy reasons why bath time just got more fun
41 To the parent who’s waving the white flag about fighting over bath time
42 You don’t know it yet, but bath time is about to become easier
43 A new bath toy that makes your toddler happier than a trip to Disneyland
44 Don’t scream at your toddler who hates baths until you read this
45 Who else wants to give their toddler a bath without the kicking and screaming?
46 What would happen to your attitude if bath time suddenly became fun?
47 How much would you pay for an easier bath time? Is it less than $15.99?
48 How to make your toddler happy without fighting outside the bath
49 How to turn bath time into a toddler playground
50 To all the parents tired of fighting with dirty toddlers
51 The same characters you’ll find at Disney, for 20% less. Which would you rather pay?
52 When you buy SoapSox for kids, you’re buying a happier bath time
53 If you’ve already given your bath-hating toddler a wash today, this will frustrate you even more…
54 Almost every toddler hates bath time. Here’s how to make it easy.
55 An easy way to make bath time fun
56 To a worn-out parent who like to have a clean toddler without a fight
57 Makes bath time arguments spin down the drain
58 We have 12 different animals and all your favorite Disney characters, plus family packs, starting at $9.99
59 Disney bath toys sell for $19 to $25. Our start at $12.99. Which would you rather pay?
60 In the time it takes to ship, Soapsox makes bath time fun
61 Would you believe this mom used to fight with her toddler about getting in the bath?
62 New bath toys make more toddlers happier than a trip to Disney World
63 An always ready-to-go stuffed animal for bath & bedtime
64 The difference between an easy bath and a fight might be a stuffed animal
65 How to make bath time fun without your toddler melting down
66 Show me any toddler who hates getting in the bath, and I’ll show you a washable stuffed animal he’ll want to jump in the tub with.
67 From the first drop of water in the tub, your toddler will look forward to their bath
68 If you’ve already fought with your toddler over bath time tonight, don’t read this. It’ll break your heart
69 Are you twice as tired after bath time than you were before?
70 To the parents who fight with their kids about bath time, we have something for you
71 Which kid loves baths? And which hated them until he got SoapSox?
72 To a tired mom who just wants bath time to happen without a fight
73 How to increase your quality time while cleaning your toddler without the fight
74 If your toddler doesn’t love SoapSox, we’ll replace it for free
75 I’d like to give this to my fellow parents… before their next bath time fight
76 Get the same characters you saw on Shark Tank for 35% less
77 Most toddlers start fighting about bath time hours before they get in the tub. SoapSox saves you hours of arguments every night.
78 An always clean, always ready, bath time puppet for toddlers
79 The difference between a peaceful evening full of smiles, and another argument over their bath
80 This dad had a million-dollar idea–and here’s what happened when he went on Shark Tank
81 I’d like to this to any mom with a toddler… who’s tired of fighting over bath time
82 Bathtub fighting can be predicted like clockwork. Here’s a way to prevent it .
83 Show me any toddler who loves animals or Disney, but hates taking baths, and I’ll show you how much fun bath time can be
84 12 adorable reasons why your toddlers will love bath time
85 I’d like to give this to every parent of a fussy toddler, before they fight over bath time
86 How to make bath time easier and put a smile on your toddler’s clean face
87 We always have 14 different animals and 3 Disney characters ready to ship
88 Almost everyone has a cranky toddler at bath time. Here’s how to make them happy
89 What’s the best way to make bath time easier? This washcloth may surprise you
90 Bathtub toys can change your toddler’s attitude if you play your cards right
91 Announcing a new way to wash your toddlers without the screaming
92 How to develop a gentle touch and bathtub attitude like Mary Poppins
93 Top quality bath toys usually sell for $25 or more. We sell them from $9.99-$12.99
94 An easy to make your toddler happy in the bath
95 Announcing a new toy for toddlers who hate bath time
96 Get twice as many bath time giggles than you do now
97 A menagerie of different animals, available in Disney characters and multipacks, starting at just $9.99
98 How much less wine would you need at night if you didn’t have to fight with your toddler about their bath?
99 Most toddlers kick and scream from the moment you turn on the water. SoapSox saves years of fighting. No punching. No splashing.
100 To a million-dollar mom who would pay anything to make bath time easier

 

Overall: Holy moly! These are so much better! Some border on clickbait, but I don’t think they cross the line. I instantly like this post better than the last attempt.

Lessons: I didn’t think Direct Response lines would translate well. Boy, was I wrong. There’s such power behind this. I need to learn these more.

  • Here’s proof that you don’t have to be cheesy with great lines
  • The stats and claims are completely made up for testing purposed. 100% fiction
  • Part of me is kicking myself for not using these earlier, but honestly, I think it’s better this way. I’ve got more respect for what I’m aspiring to become—and for what I’ve done on my own.
  • I’m going to use the same method again tomorrow &practice more with these lines.

Time: 45 minutes. This was short due to fill-in-the-blanks templating.

Come back tomorrow. I’ll tray again.