Let’s try something new today, shall we?
*Walks away from desk*
*Opens door to the garage*
*Rummages through recycling bin*
*Comes back to desk*
In my hand, I’m holding a direct mail piece from a local dentist. It’s pretty generic and focuses on a special dental implant surgery, for which they’re holding a “sold out” webinar. Picture a tooth with a wood screw for roots. That’s what I’m looking at.
*Checks website*
Nothing about a webinar here. Instead, I’m greeted with a customer testimonial video (good) and photos how they offer paraffin wax hand therapy, warm cookies, and back massages! At a dentist office. And it’s all kinds of awesome. My dentist doesn’t do that.
So instead, I’m going to write 100 headlines about this.
(Stay tuned, folks. There’s a twist at the end. And it’s the reason I’m not showing you the site or flyer.)
| 1 | We treat our dental patients like guests |
| 2 | Wonderful dentists who treat patients like people |
| 3 | For picky patients who want a little comfort with their cleaning |
| 4 | Voted top dentist in the area 9 years in a row |
| 5 | We take care of more than just your mouth |
| 6 | When’s the last time you left the dentist relaxed? |
| 7 | We restore your smile |
| 8 | Professional dentistry with on-site spa services |
| 9 | Fixing smiles, 32 teeth at a time |
| 10 | Like going to a masseuse who’s also a trained dentist |
| 11 | Our mission to ensure you have the best dental experience ever |
| 12 | We treat you like royalty while you get your crowns |
| 13 | Stress-free dental work |
| 14 | How many other dentists offer a warm neck pillow during cleanings? |
| 15 | We know nobody likes going to the dentist–and we’re trying to change that |
| 16 | Our patients actually look forward to their next appointment |
| 17 | Embarrassed about your smile? We can fix that. |
| 18 | The dental office with a massage therapist on-site |
| 19 | It’s not an appointment. It’s an experience |
| 20 | The dental spa for teeth & relaxation |
| 21 | Been a while since your last dental visit? We’re just happy you’re here. |
| 22 | Nobody likes going to a dentist, but a free massage makes it better |
| 23 | We take care of more than just your teeth |
| 24 | The cool and tranquil dental office |
| 25 | You’ve just found your forever dentist |
| 26 | For families who value hygiene as well as customer service |
| 27 | Ever had a massage at the dentist before? |
| 28 | The dentist for people who hate dentists |
| 29 | Your teeth will look as perfect as you feel |
| 30 | When’s the last time you looked forward to going to the dentist? |
| 31 | What other dentist offers warm towels during your treatment? |
| 32 | Change your view of dentists |
| 33 | We take care of all 32 teeth, and the entire person around them |
| 34 | The family dentist who takes care of more than just your teeth |
| 35 | You’re our guest, not our patient |
| 36 | Have you ever left your dentist feeling relaxed? |
| 37 | Has your dentist ever made you feel exceptional? |
| 38 | Our amentias will have you wondering if you just walked into a spa |
| 39 | The fully immersive dental experience |
| 40 | This will be your mouth’s crowning achievement |
| 41 | Going to the dentist isn’t so bad when you get a massage and music |
| 42 | A free massage means you’ll actually look forward to your next dentist appointment |
| 43 | When your dentist offers massages, you’ll want to go more than twice a year |
| 44 | You’ll leave the dentist feeling more relaxed than when you came |
| 45 | The dentist office that feels like a spa |
| 46 | You’ve finally found the dentist you can brag about |
| 47 | We don’t recommend getting a cleaning from a masseuse, but a massage at your dentist’s office can be an unexpected treat |
| 48 | Dental service that treats you like you deserve |
| 49 | The root canal specialist you’ll be rooting for |
| 50 | Root canals are better when they come with a free massage |
| 51 | You’ll leave feeling as amazing our your teeth look |
| 52 | We’re not just wonderful dentists–we work in a wonderful place |
| 53 | If you’ve never heard of a dentist office with a masseuse, it’s because we’re the only one |
| 54 | Would you describe your dentist as “gentle?” |
| 55 | The dental service with perks |
| 56 | Helping people relax at the dentist, one cleaning at a time |
| 57 | Nobody forgets a great smile |
| 58 | The dentist that gives you something to smile about |
| 59 | The dentist office you can’t wait to visit |
| 60 | The dental spa for whole body wellness |
| 61 | It’s ok to lie to us about your flossing habits. We’ll still love you all the same. |
| 62 | The next time your dentist offers a massage, say yes |
| 63 | If your dentist’s office doesn’t make you feel at home, you’re at the wrong dentist |
| 64 | We don’t just care about your teeth; we care about you |
| 65 | Does your dentist offer you warm cookies? |
| 66 | We don’t just treat your mouth. We treat you. |
| 67 | The dental cleaning that soothes your entire body |
| 68 | The dentist for people afraid of dentists |
| 69 | We don’t offer appointments. We offer experiences |
| 70 | We pride ourselves on customer service (and dental work) |
| 71 | You’ll leave our office smiling |
| 72 | Revitalize your teeth, your body and your mind |
| 73 | The only thing cleaner than our office will be your teeth |
| 74 | How often does your dentist get a 5-star review for root canals? |
| 75 | When you’ve got something to smile about, going to the dentist is easier |
| 76 | The most comfortable trip to the dentist you’ve ever experienced |
| 77 | Finally, a dentist office you can relax in |
| 78 | Full body dental care–offering hand massages while you wait |
| 79 | Ever get a cleaning from a massage chair before? |
| 80 | Does your dentist have a massage therapist on site? |
| 81 | The dentist that’s different from other dentists |
| 82 | We care about your comfort as much as we care about your teeth |
| 83 | When’s the last time you bragged about your current dentist? |
| 84 | The dentist office that takes care of you |
| 85 | Relax. You’re going to love this visit. |
| 86 | Get your teeth cleaned, and a massage |
| 87 | You won’t mind going to the dentist anymore |
| 88 | The dentist you’ll want to visit more than every 6 months |
| 89 | The dentist that takes care of your entire well being |
| 90 | If you don’t look forward to your cleanings, you’re going to the wrong dentist |
| 91 | Your smile will be welcomed by ours |
| 92 | When you’re wearing our crowns, you’ll feel like royalty |
| 93 | Some dentists give you a free toothbrush. We give you massages & personal attention |
| 94 | We treat you better than other dentists |
| 95 | Cleaner teeth for happy mouths |
| 96 | The dental office with a transcendent atmosphere |
| 97 | You’ll leave feeling like you walked out of the spa |
| 98 | The dentist office that prides itself on customer service |
| 99 | We give you a reason to smile |
| 100 | Everything you know about the dentist is about to change |
Overall: A little generic. They’re more in-tune with the website and they’d be a better message match fo’ sho. But this is far from being direct mail gold. I’d be up for testing a few of these though. And I want to give direct mail another shot. So stay tuned…
Lessons: Here’s the twist I mentioned. Upon reading the reviews, this place is sketchy AF. I can’t be sure, but there are enough comments to make me believe they prey on immigrants and uninsured. And I’m not going to link you to people like that.
This was the first time I ever turned on a project. As soon as it became clear these may not be good people, I didn’t want to finish the list. It felt dirty—and I’d never work with anyone like this. The last 20 or so lines were straight from the template because I was d-o-n-e with this guy.
But I guess that’s what you should expect from a dentist that offers back massages.
*shudder*
Time: 1:10 hour over 2 sessions.
We’re 2/3 done! Woohoo! There’ll be some good learnings on the next recap. Sign up below to get it.
Recent Comments