Image result for dentist

Let’s try something new today, shall we?

*Walks away from desk*

*Opens door to the garage*

*Rummages through recycling bin*

*Comes back to desk*

In my hand, I’m holding a direct mail piece from a local dentist. It’s pretty generic and focuses on a special dental implant surgery, for which they’re holding a “sold out” webinar. Picture a tooth with a wood screw for roots. That’s what I’m looking at.

*Checks website*

Nothing about a webinar here. Instead, I’m greeted with a customer testimonial video (good) and photos how they offer paraffin wax hand therapy, warm cookies, and back massages! At a dentist office. And it’s all kinds of awesome. My dentist doesn’t do that.

So instead, I’m going to write 100 headlines about this.

(Stay tuned, folks. There’s a twist at the end. And it’s the reason I’m not showing you the site or flyer.)

1We treat our dental patients like guests
2Wonderful dentists who treat patients like people
3For picky patients who want a little comfort with their cleaning
4Voted top dentist in the area 9 years in a row
5We take care of more than just your mouth
6When’s the last time you left the dentist relaxed?
7We restore your smile
8Professional dentistry with on-site spa services
9Fixing smiles, 32 teeth at a time
10Like going to a masseuse who’s also a trained dentist
11Our mission to ensure you have the best dental experience ever
12We treat you like royalty while you get your crowns
13Stress-free dental work
14How many other dentists offer a warm neck pillow during cleanings?
15We know nobody likes going to the dentist–and we’re trying to change that
16Our patients actually look forward to their next appointment
17Embarrassed about your smile? We can fix that.
18The dental office with a massage therapist on-site
19It’s not an appointment. It’s an experience
20The dental spa for teeth & relaxation
21Been a while since your last dental visit? We’re just happy you’re here.
22Nobody likes going to a dentist, but a free massage makes it better
23We take care of more than just your teeth
24The cool and tranquil dental office
25You’ve just found your forever dentist
26For families who value hygiene as well as customer service
27Ever had a massage at the dentist before?
28The dentist for people who hate dentists
29Your teeth will look as perfect as you feel
30When’s the last time you looked forward to going to the dentist?
31What other dentist offers warm towels during your treatment?
32Change your view of dentists
33We take care of all 32 teeth, and the entire person around them
34The family dentist who takes care of more than just your teeth
35You’re our guest, not our patient
36Have you ever left your dentist feeling relaxed?
37Has your dentist ever made you feel exceptional?
38Our amentias will have you wondering if you just walked into a spa
39The fully immersive dental experience
40This will be your mouth’s crowning achievement
41Going to the dentist isn’t so bad when you get a massage and music
42A free massage means you’ll actually look forward to your next dentist appointment
43When your dentist offers massages, you’ll want to go more than twice a year
44You’ll leave the dentist feeling more relaxed than when you came
45The dentist office that feels like a spa
46You’ve finally found the dentist you can brag about
47We don’t recommend getting a cleaning from a masseuse, but a massage at your dentist’s office can be an unexpected treat
48Dental service that treats you like you deserve
49The root canal specialist you’ll be rooting for
50Root canals are better when they come with a free massage
51You’ll leave feeling as amazing our your teeth look
52We’re not just wonderful dentists–we work in a wonderful place
53If you’ve never heard of a dentist office with a masseuse, it’s because we’re the only one
54Would you describe your dentist as “gentle?”
55The dental service with perks
56Helping people relax at the dentist, one cleaning at a time
57Nobody forgets a great smile
58The dentist that gives you something to smile about
59The dentist office you can’t wait to visit
60The dental spa for whole body wellness
61It’s ok to lie to us about your flossing habits. We’ll still love you all the same.
62The next time your dentist offers a massage, say yes
63If your dentist’s office doesn’t make you feel at home, you’re at the wrong dentist
64We don’t just care about your teeth; we care about you
65Does your dentist offer you warm cookies?
66We don’t just treat your mouth. We treat you.
67The dental cleaning that soothes your entire body
68The dentist for people afraid of dentists
69We don’t offer appointments. We offer experiences
70We pride ourselves on customer service (and dental work)
71You’ll leave our office smiling
72Revitalize your teeth, your body and your mind
73The only thing cleaner than our office will be your teeth
74How often does your dentist get a 5-star review for root canals?
75When you’ve got something to smile about, going to the dentist is easier
76The most comfortable trip to the dentist you’ve ever experienced
77Finally, a dentist office you can relax in
78Full body dental care–offering hand massages while you wait
79Ever get a cleaning from a massage chair before?
80Does your dentist have a massage therapist on site?
81The dentist that’s different from other dentists
82We care about your comfort as much as we care about your teeth
83When’s the last time you bragged about your current dentist?
84The dentist office that takes care of you
85Relax. You’re going to love this visit.
86Get your teeth cleaned, and a massage
87You won’t mind going to the dentist anymore
88The dentist you’ll want to visit more than every 6 months
89The dentist that takes care of your entire well being
90If you don’t look forward to your cleanings, you’re going to the wrong dentist
91Your smile will be welcomed by ours
92When you’re wearing our crowns, you’ll feel like royalty
93Some dentists give you a free toothbrush. We give you massages & personal attention
94We treat you better than other dentists
95Cleaner teeth for happy mouths
96The dental office with a transcendent atmosphere
97You’ll leave feeling like you walked out of the spa
98The dentist office that prides itself on customer service
99We give you a reason to smile
100Everything you know about the dentist is about to change


Overall: A little generic. They’re more in-tune with the website and they’d be a better message match fo’ sho. But this is far from being direct mail gold.  I’d be up for testing a few of these though. And I want to give direct mail another shot. So stay tuned…

Lessons: Here’s the twist I mentioned. Upon reading the reviews, this place is sketchy AF. I can’t be sure, but there are enough comments to make me believe they prey on immigrants and uninsured. And I’m not going to link you to people like that.

This was the first time I ever turned on a project. As soon as it became clear these may not be good people, I didn’t want to finish the list. It felt dirty—and I’d never work with anyone like this. The last 20 or so lines were straight from the template because I was d-o-n-e with this guy.

But I guess that’s what you should expect from a dentist that offers back massages.


Time: 1:10 hour over 2 sessions.

We’re 2/3 done! Woohoo!  There’ll be some good learnings on the next recap. Sign up below to get it.