OK, it would be a fair critique to say a lot of my posts have been more taglines than headlines. I could argue that I’m focusing on key messages, but I owe it to you to write some genuine headlines today.

So here you go.

Now, I’m not a fan of BuzzFeed. They’ve made a business out of exaggerated headlines and mediocre content. But I can’t argue that first part. They’ve made a business.

Today I’m going to write in their style.

I pulled a random article; “19 Facts You Thought Were True But Are Actually Total Bullshit” and I put my spin on it. I also tried to write in a way that would make my mom proud. Not that she’s ever read BuzzFeed…

So here are 102 altered headlines for “19 Facts You Thought Were True But Are Actually Total Bullshit”:

1 Facts or lunacy? 19 things you thought wrong.
2 19 “facts” that prove you may not be as smart as you think
3 19 things nearly everyone is wrong about
4 You’ll feel silly for believing these things as long as you did
5 19 Random things you’ve been wrong about your whole life
6 Silly goose! These 19 things aren’t true.
7 You’ve been wrong about these 19 things your whole life
8 19 Lies you’ve believed your whole life
9 Fact: What you’ve been taught is fiction
10 How long did you think this was true?
11 19 fallacies that will make you face-palm
12 How many of these 19 “facts” have you been wrong about?
13 Fake news? Or just 19 mistakes?
14 Stop believing these 19 things right now
15 Tired of being wrong about everything?
16 How to be less dumb
17 Time to shed a little light on these 19 ideas
18 You learned these 19 things when you were a kid, and they’re all wrong
19 Next time you see a doctor on TV do this, you’ll know it’s Hollywood BS
20 You’re still believing these 19 things, are you?
21 The next time someone tells you one of these 19 lies, you can call them on it
22 Getting these common misconceptions wrong can make you sound dumb
23 If you believe these 19 “facts”—you’re wrong
24 19 things that can make you look dumber than this headline
25 Want to know what you’ve been wrong about your whole life?
26 19 Things you accidentally learned incorrectly
27 Have you been believing these 19 delusions?
28 Science just debunked these 19 popular misconceptions
29 These 19 misnomers can make you look silly
30 19 Lies children tell each other
31 We asked doctors what the real deal is behind these ideas
32 19 Ways to be wrong about things
33 These 19 facts will have you questioning everything you’ve ever learned
34 Correction: You’ve been wrong about these 19 things your whole life
35 Read this article to become smarter
36 You’ll laugh at yourself when you realize what you believed
37 The faulty logic of 19 popular ideas
38 Lies you’ve believed since childhood
39 19 Alternative facts from the playground (rather than Washington)
40 Helping you clear up lies you probably believe
41 Kill these 19 ideas right now
42 Your gum turns to poop, and 18 other silly things you thought wrong
43 Everything you know about everything is a false
44 Did you actually think these 19 things were true?
45 19 Lies from the playground
46 Turns out, you were wrong about these 19 things the whole time
47 Can you still be smart if you’ve believed these lies your whole life?
48 Debunking 19 popular fallacies
49 Should you really be afraid of Narcs? And 18 other facts
50 Knowing 3 of these 19 things makes you smarter than most people
51 19 “facts” that will make you feel silly
52 The one blog article that shows you what not to do when someone stops breathing
53 For people tired of being wrong about everything
54 Don’t worry. We thought these 19 things were true too
55 Little mistakes you probably believe are correct
56 You’re wrong all the time, prolyl
57 Your mother was wrong about these ideas (and so was everyone else)
58 When you think about it, none of these 19 fallacies never really seemed right
59 Don’t worry if you accidentally do this to a baby bird
60 19 facts for misguided people
61 19 things you thought were true but aren’t
62 19 Fallacies living in your brain
63 A bunch of silly things you won’t believe you thought were true
64 Remember when you learned this on the playground? Turns out you’re wrong.
65 You’ve been holding on to these 19 misperceptions for way too long
66 These 19 facts will make you wonder what else you’ve been wrong about
67 19 “facts” you won’t see on Mythbusters
68 The idiot test: Do you believe these 19 “facts?”
69 19 myths that need busting
70 19 Alternative facts that need clarification
71 It’s not that you were lied to, you were just told bad information?
72 Why do people actually think these 19 things are true?
73 These 19 misperceptions need to die
74 19 clarifications that help you avoid looking foolish
75 Misbeliefs, fallacies & bunk you’ve been told
76 If you thought these 19 things were true, you might be an idiot
77 The biggest misperceptions you’ve been holding onto
78 Lies TV tells you
79 19 unsound ideas that need to die
80 19 important facts that aren’t facts at all
81 Just a few clarifications about things you probably know
82 19 facts debunked
83 Faulty logic you’ve held since you were a toddler
84 19 things you learned on the playground that aren’t true
85 Don’t feel bad about getting these 19 ideas wrong. Most people do.
86 If you think cops need to come clean about this, you’re going to be in big trouble
87 Nearly 20 things almost everyone gets wrong
88 You’re going to feel silly when you read the truth about these 19 things
89 Just a few ways you’ve been wrong your whole life
90 19 “facts” you learned in school that are total BS
91 If your friends believe these 19 things, you need smarter friends
92 19 “facts” you can use to tell which of your friends are idiots
93 19 Mind-blowing mistruths you’ve been believing
94 The sooner you learn these 19 things aren’t true, the smarter you’ll be
95 Don’t try saving lives like they do on TV
96 If you believe this, you’re failing at life
97 The 19 things you thought were true but aren’t
98 Mistakes about animals and your body that might get you into trouble
99 Learn these 19 things aren’t true before you make a fool of yourself
100 Big mistakes most people make their whole life
101 Do these 19 delusions have you under their spell?
102 Everything you know about these 19 things is a lie

 

Overall: I have mixed feelings about this. I’m not proud of any of these. It’s not that the list is bad, The lines are good. But it adds to the things I hate about the internet. It’s just so… internety.

Lessons: This was NOT a challenge. I whipped it up in 45 minutes, never consulted the template, and may as well have been watching TV and thumb wrestling a dinosaur while doing it. Zero concentration required. I pulled the “MythBusters” theme from a comment, and other than consulting the thesaurus for “misconception” these came without needing any inspiration.

This isn’t a bad list. But it’s not copywriting. And I didn’t enjoy it.

Time: 45 minutes. My fastest time to date. Yay?

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