Apollo Peak, Inc.


Another fun one today that seems right up my alley. I love dogs. I love cocktails. So how about dog wines? OK, cat wines too.

Apollo Peak is an all-natural pet wine made in Colorado. No, it’s not really alcoholic, but it blends a lot of sophisticated ingredients your pets might like: vegetables, fruit, cat butt…

It seems like a cool product. The reviews were mixed, though. I guess it’s an acquired taste—much like real wine—but the pets who like it seem to really like it. Again, much like real wine…

I went back and forth between animals and gender—all things that could be sorted out based on user demographics and targeting, but I’m not going that deep today. Instead, I’m going to focus on fun.

The Malbark 8 Pounces Dog wine Dog beverage

Here are 102 lines about Apollo Peak Dog & Cat Wines:

1 You don’t have to drink alone anymore
2 Having a glass of it handy is reason enough to celebrate
3 Pour yourself a drink, right meow
4 Pet wines for owners who know better than to give their pets wine
5 Ruff days call for stiff drinks
6 If you’re not going to throw the ball, you can at least pour your pup a drink
7 Listen, this is healthier than the real wine you’ve been giving your cats
8 Because finding an at-home drinking buddy is easier than being sober
9 Is your dog’s tail giving him the runaround? He deserves a stiff drink.
10 The next time your cat looks at you like he wants your wine, you can give him his own bottle
11 Now your pet is your drinking buddy
12 Even though it’s healthy & non-alcoholic, you dog will still love this
13 Your dog isn’t barking. He’s ordering another round.
14 Now you and your favorite pet can chase some tail together
15 Fact: Best friends drink together.
16 Make your dog love you even more
17 And you thought catnip made them happy…
18 Ungrateful kitty? Pour her a glass of wine.
19 For people who love dogs and wine
20 Minimum age: 21 dog years
21 The nectar of the gods for man’s best friend
22 Every cat deserves a little wine now & then
23 Give your pup a cup
24 All the benefits of wine, without the buzz
25 Being man’s best friend is reason enough to toast
26 Making pet’s lives better, one glass at a time
27 For pet owners tired of drinking alone
28 Cats whine for cat’s wine
29 Just you and your cat, gabbing away over a glass of wine
30 So what if your new drinking buddy is a little hairy and has 4 legs?
31 Slip your dog a cup of the good stuff
32 Like catnip in a bottle (so, kind of like Fireball)
33 In people years, your dog only needs to be 3 to be drink
34 Where your new drinking buddy is already your best friend
35 Dog gone it! Bring me my wine!
36 Because nobody should have to watch reality TV without a little wine
37 Just because your cat’s wine isn’t alcoholic doesn’t mean your can’t be
38 You drink the good stuff. Now your dogs can too.
39 Everything you love about wine, but without the bad stuff. And for your pet.
40 They’ll love this wine just as much as you love your wine
41 Get buzzed with your cat
42 The best way to unwind after a ruff day
43 Chasing squirrels is enough to drive any pet to drink
44 A glass for you, a glass for your furry little friend
45 Your cat will love it so much, you’ll forget about how much you drink
46 Your wine helps you relax. Now your dog’s will too.
47 The perfect way to deflect your drinking problem to your cat
48 Drinking doesn’t have to feel lonely for either of you
49 Your cat will love its wine as much as you love your wine
50 Helping pet owners bond with their new drinking buddies
51 Dogs get stressed too. Give ’em a drink.
52 Where you drink with your pets, and they get healthier
53 Guaranteed not to give your dog a hangover. We make no claims about you though.
54 If your owner didn’t give you cat wine, you’d be grumpy too
55 Pour me another, master. It’s that damn laser pointer again.
56 Discover how nice not drinking alone can be
57 Meow. Beer me.
58 Get your kitty a cocktail, right meow
59 Lose the stigma of drinking alone
60 Even if your cat is a jerk, he still deserves a drink every now and then
61 It’s not alcoholic, although, your pet probably deserves a drink
62 A special blend of everything you love in your wine, without the alcohol, plus extra stuff for your cat
63 Honestly, you’re probably drinking with your pets anyway. This is way healthier for them.
64 A box of wine for you, and a bottle for you kitty
65 What dog wine pairs well with other dog’s butt?
66 Where you and your pet both get happy
67 Being your best friend deserves a reward
68 Can’t decide if you love your wine or your cat more? Now you don’t have to.
69 Pair reds with kibble & white with canned
70 Just because your wine is cheap, doesn’t mean your cat’s needs to be
71 Your cat isn’t grumpy. He’s hungover.
72 After a day of barking at everything, your dog deserves a drink
73 Probably a better vintage than whatever cheap wine you’re drinking
74 Now maybe your pet will want to cuddle you back
75 Makes your cat get silly for a bit, then pass out. Kind of like your wine does to you.
76 Everything your cat needs. Except the alcohol. (We save that for you)
77 I want my cat wine, right meow!
78 Pour a cock(erspaniel)tail
79 Just because you drink wine from a box doesn’t mean your cat has to
80 It’s an acquired taste. But then again, so is real wine.
81 Good wines and a best friend to drink it with
82 No, your dog doesn’t really need this. But neither do you.
83 A significant upgrade from drinking out of the toilet
84 Ruff day? Pour your pup a cocktail
85 The near beer for your favorite pup
86 It’s got a brilliant bouquet of berries, lavender & other cat’s butt
87 For the sophisticated mutt in your life
88 Get a new drinking buddy without leaving your home
89 Sassy cats deserve wine
90 It’s healthy & non-alcoholic, but your dog will love it anyway
91 You’ve got your happy juice. Now your cat has his.
92 Now you can both enjoy watching “The Bachelor” a little more
93 Better than drinking out of the toilet
94 Now your pet can love wine as much as you
95 You still drink a lot. Now you just don’t do it alone.
96 Now you and your cat can both have the good stuff
97 For days when the mailman rings the doorbell.
98 Dog wine. Because no pet should live on water alone
99 Luckily it doesn’t make your dog do all the things your wine makes you do
100 Good dogs deserve a little nip
101 For pet owners tired of drinking alone, but can’t stand the idea of giving up the booze
102 The healthy non-alcoholic drink for pets


Overall: Decent but not great. I had fun writing this, but similar to other recent posts, I struggled finding the balance between humor and actual messaging. It’s not as great as I wanted it to be. If it was just dogs & beer, maybe I would have had better luck.

Lessons: Too many options made this harder. There are different blends, champagnes, reds, whites, bottles for dogs, bottles for cats. I lost focus. After completing the lines, I found a similar product with a more off-kilter style. I might give this another go with them.

  • I wanted to have fun with this, but I held back because it’s not really wine
  • I expected the reviews to offer a lot more, but they were limited
  • Don’t give your pets real alcohol, folks. You know this.

Time: 1 straight session of 1:30. Longer than usual.