Apollo Peak, Inc.


Another fun one today that seems right up my alley. I love dogs. I love cocktails. So how about dog wines? OK, cat wines too.

Apollo Peak is an all-natural pet wine made in Colorado. No, it’s not really alcoholic, but it blends a lot of sophisticated ingredients your pets might like: vegetables, fruit, cat butt…

It seems like a cool product. The reviews were mixed, though. I guess it’s an acquired taste—much like real wine—but the pets who like it seem to really like it. Again, much like real wine…

I went back and forth between animals and gender—all things that could be sorted out based on user demographics and targeting, but I’m not going that deep today. Instead, I’m going to focus on fun.

The Malbark 8 Pounces Dog wine Dog beverage

Here are 102 lines about Apollo Peak Dog & Cat Wines:

1You don’t have to drink alone anymore
2Having a glass of it handy is reason enough to celebrate
3Pour yourself a drink, right meow
4Pet wines for owners who know better than to give their pets wine
5Ruff days call for stiff drinks
6If you’re not going to throw the ball, you can at least pour your pup a drink
7Listen, this is healthier than the real wine you’ve been giving your cats
8Because finding an at-home drinking buddy is easier than being sober
9Is your dog’s tail giving him the runaround? He deserves a stiff drink.
10The next time your cat looks at you like he wants your wine, you can give him his own bottle
11Now your pet is your drinking buddy
12Even though it’s healthy & non-alcoholic, you dog will still love this
13Your dog isn’t barking. He’s ordering another round.
14Now you and your favorite pet can chase some tail together
15Fact: Best friends drink together.
16Make your dog love you even more
17And you thought catnip made them happy…
18Ungrateful kitty? Pour her a glass of wine.
19For people who love dogs and wine
20Minimum age: 21 dog years
21The nectar of the gods for man’s best friend
22Every cat deserves a little wine now & then
23Give your pup a cup
24All the benefits of wine, without the buzz
25Being man’s best friend is reason enough to toast
26Making pet’s lives better, one glass at a time
27For pet owners tired of drinking alone
28Cats whine for cat’s wine
29Just you and your cat, gabbing away over a glass of wine
30So what if your new drinking buddy is a little hairy and has 4 legs?
31Slip your dog a cup of the good stuff
32Like catnip in a bottle (so, kind of like Fireball)
33In people years, your dog only needs to be 3 to be drink
34Where your new drinking buddy is already your best friend
35Dog gone it! Bring me my wine!
36Because nobody should have to watch reality TV without a little wine
37Just because your cat’s wine isn’t alcoholic doesn’t mean your can’t be
38You drink the good stuff. Now your dogs can too.
39Everything you love about wine, but without the bad stuff. And for your pet.
40They’ll love this wine just as much as you love your wine
41Get buzzed with your cat
42The best way to unwind after a ruff day
43Chasing squirrels is enough to drive any pet to drink
44A glass for you, a glass for your furry little friend
45Your cat will love it so much, you’ll forget about how much you drink
46Your wine helps you relax. Now your dog’s will too.
47The perfect way to deflect your drinking problem to your cat
48Drinking doesn’t have to feel lonely for either of you
49Your cat will love its wine as much as you love your wine
50Helping pet owners bond with their new drinking buddies
51Dogs get stressed too. Give ’em a drink.
52Where you drink with your pets, and they get healthier
53Guaranteed not to give your dog a hangover. We make no claims about you though.
54If your owner didn’t give you cat wine, you’d be grumpy too
55Pour me another, master. It’s that damn laser pointer again.
56Discover how nice not drinking alone can be
57Meow. Beer me.
58Get your kitty a cocktail, right meow
59Lose the stigma of drinking alone
60Even if your cat is a jerk, he still deserves a drink every now and then
61It’s not alcoholic, although, your pet probably deserves a drink
62A special blend of everything you love in your wine, without the alcohol, plus extra stuff for your cat
63Honestly, you’re probably drinking with your pets anyway. This is way healthier for them.
64A box of wine for you, and a bottle for you kitty
65What dog wine pairs well with other dog’s butt?
66Where you and your pet both get happy
67Being your best friend deserves a reward
68Can’t decide if you love your wine or your cat more? Now you don’t have to.
69Pair reds with kibble & white with canned
70Just because your wine is cheap, doesn’t mean your cat’s needs to be
71Your cat isn’t grumpy. He’s hungover.
72After a day of barking at everything, your dog deserves a drink
73Probably a better vintage than whatever cheap wine you’re drinking
74Now maybe your pet will want to cuddle you back
75Makes your cat get silly for a bit, then pass out. Kind of like your wine does to you.
76Everything your cat needs. Except the alcohol. (We save that for you)
77I want my cat wine, right meow!
78Pour a cock(erspaniel)tail
79Just because you drink wine from a box doesn’t mean your cat has to
80It’s an acquired taste. But then again, so is real wine.
81Good wines and a best friend to drink it with
82No, your dog doesn’t really need this. But neither do you.
83A significant upgrade from drinking out of the toilet
84Ruff day? Pour your pup a cocktail
85The near beer for your favorite pup
86It’s got a brilliant bouquet of berries, lavender & other cat’s butt
87For the sophisticated mutt in your life
88Get a new drinking buddy without leaving your home
89Sassy cats deserve wine
90It’s healthy & non-alcoholic, but your dog will love it anyway
91You’ve got your happy juice. Now your cat has his.
92Now you can both enjoy watching “The Bachelor” a little more
93Better than drinking out of the toilet
94Now your pet can love wine as much as you
95You still drink a lot. Now you just don’t do it alone.
96Now you and your cat can both have the good stuff
97For days when the mailman rings the doorbell.
98Dog wine. Because no pet should live on water alone
99Luckily it doesn’t make your dog do all the things your wine makes you do
100Good dogs deserve a little nip
101For pet owners tired of drinking alone, but can’t stand the idea of giving up the booze
102The healthy non-alcoholic drink for pets


Overall: Decent but not great. I had fun writing this, but similar to other recent posts, I struggled finding the balance between humor and actual messaging. It’s not as great as I wanted it to be. If it was just dogs & beer, maybe I would have had better luck.

Lessons: Too many options made this harder. There are different blends, champagnes, reds, whites, bottles for dogs, bottles for cats. I lost focus. After completing the lines, I found a similar product with a more off-kilter style. I might give this another go with them.

  • I wanted to have fun with this, but I held back because it’s not really wine
  • I expected the reviews to offer a lot more, but they were limited
  • Don’t give your pets real alcohol, folks. You know this.

Time: 1 straight session of 1:30. Longer than usual.