Hi, new followers! 🙂 Today we’re talking about The Fart Candle. Bye, new followers! 🙁 Yup, I’m going to kick off the back half by talking about your back door. Because I needed something fun. And this thing is real, y’all. Surprisingly (?), there are a few man candles out there, but I’ll focus on the original one for you. In its own way, this post is a redo of yesterday’s project, where I couldn’t get it just right. I’m still lacking that feminine mindset to pull out a really great line for certain products. But when it comes to dude stuff, I think I’ve got it dialed in. Here are 104 lines about The Fart Candle:

1Smells like someone just stepped on a duck
2New car smell? Not for long.
3Give them a smell they’ll never forget
4For people who want to experience a fart, without having to release one
5The fastest way to get rid of company
6Smells like Dad
7So real it’ll have you checking your pants
8Tootally awesome
9Spend your day accompanied by the stench of rancid butt
10Now you don’t have to blame it on the dog anymore.
11Light a candle you can see, and smell your own SBD
12Stinkify your whole house
13So real you can taste it
14It’s bad. But you’ve done worse.
15The tasteless gift that keeps on giving
16Tootally awesome gifts for gassers
17Like a real fart, but just the smell
18Want to play the “smell this” game?
19Like smelling a cat lady’s butt
20Pumpkin spice is overrated. Time for a little fart.
21Because real farts are gross
22For the man who has everything. Except rancid smells.
23The candle that makes you miss your brother
24Enjoy your very own brown cloud
25Now no one will know it was you
26Make every room in your home smell like a toot
27The “Dude, what did you eat?” scented candle
28Make your house smell like a man
29Clear a room in the time it takes to light a match
30Cover up your own rancid gas with the smell of someone else’s
31You might think this covers up the smell of farts, but you’d be wrong
32Sure. It was the candle…
33Proof that boys are dumber than girls
34Crop dusting man caves, one candle at a time
35The fart candle that gets better with age
36For the manliest man cave in the clan
37For people who want to smell farts, 24/7
38Fantastic flatulence for forever friends
39Crack a beer, light our candle, crank the TV. Instant man cave.
40For people who can’t have nice things
41Nobody ever forgets the friend who gave them a fart candle
42Get a blast of hot wind for your own personal enjoyment
43The discreet way of letting your company know it’s time to go
44Setting the bar for rotten fart smells
45Like standing downwind from a paper factory
46Crop dust your whole house, without leaving the room
47The candle that defines true male friendship
48The perfect gag gift for dudes
49Girlfriend trying to make your place smell lavender? Fight back.
50Straight from the butts of exotic designers
51The best part of a fart without the noise
52The perfect accompaniment to your poop emoji pillow
53Farted in the U.S.A.
54Are lingering cooking smells ruining your home?
55Great for the Father In Law you don’t really like
56Helping men show their love, without saying a single word
57The only fart that’s safe to light
58Make your home smell like a paper factory
59Breath it in
60Most people like nice smells. But you’re not most people.
61The candle that makes you think you stepped in something
62Smells like the color brown
63The anti poo-pouri
64For dudes being dudes
65You’ll be laughing all the way to the bathroom
66Enjoy the ripped ass smell that lingers all day
67Don’t try to figure out why you want this. You just do. And that’s OK.
68For people with no taste (and hopefully, no smell)
69As bad as it is, it’s probably still better than what you’re used to.
70You’ve completed the look for your man cave. Now complete the smell.
71Made from real U.S. man farts
72It smells awful. You’re gonna love it
73Your very own ticket to brown town
74Smells just as bad you think it will. Only a little worse.
75Farts stink. Here’s a whole jar of them.
76You know you want to smell it
77Because boys are gross
78Give into to your senses
79With love, from the bottom of your fheart
80Smells like your old dorm room
81Does your house smell terrible? Now you can make it even worse?
82All the rotten egg stench you’d expect, with the perfect amount of hang time
83Now you can make it smell like poop, every day of the year
84Turn your white elephant exchange into a brown one
85Whoever lasts in the room longest, wins
86Just like grandma used to make
87Helping ungassy people enjoy one of nature’s foulest aromas
88Very stinky. You’re welcome.
89They never go bad. They only get better.
90The #1 way to make your house smell like #2
91See if you can identify what we ate when we bottled this smell
92Where farts can be enjoyed for hours
93Emit your odoriferous emanations in peace
94You’ll feel like you’re floating on cloud of farts
95Still not the worst piece of ass you’ve ever brought home
96We don’t want to toot our own, but our poppers pack a whopper
97Make your man cave manlier
98The candle for warm booty smells
99Designed with only the most sophisticated poots in mind
100Make your house smell like your old roommate
101Rancid stinks, just for dudes
102We normally don’t recommend lighting a flame near big butt smells, but in this case, we do
103Clear a room real fast
104Go ahead. Stink it up.

Overall: These stink. (← #105!) No, I kid! I had fun with these and I think they’d do really well in the appropriate setting. Like a Spencer’s Gift Store at the mall. Not the good mall. The old one that nobody goes to anymore. The one with a Sears. Lessons: Sometimes you just need to have fun. I was looking to get back on track and reignite my passion for this project. This did the trick

  • I suppose there’s a female market for this scent, but I didn’t address it. Not today. This one was for the boys.
  • Yup, I bought one. I’ve got a few friends who deserve this.
  • Laughed the whole way through
  • I can only image the retargeting I’m going to get after googling “terms for flatulence”
  • 82 lines without the template. Bam!

Time: 1 straight session, just over an hour.