Hi, new followers! 🙂 Today we’re talking about The Fart Candle. Bye, new followers! 🙁 Yup, I’m going to kick off the back half by talking about your back door. Because I needed something fun. And this thing is real, y’all. Surprisingly (?), there are a few man candles out there, but I’ll focus on the original one for you. In its own way, this post is a redo of yesterday’s project, where I couldn’t get it just right. I’m still lacking that feminine mindset to pull out a really great line for certain products. But when it comes to dude stuff, I think I’ve got it dialed in. Here are 104 lines about The Fart Candle:

1 Smells like someone just stepped on a duck
2 New car smell? Not for long.
3 Give them a smell they’ll never forget
4 For people who want to experience a fart, without having to release one
5 The fastest way to get rid of company
6 Smells like Dad
7 So real it’ll have you checking your pants
8 Tootally awesome
9 Spend your day accompanied by the stench of rancid butt
10 Now you don’t have to blame it on the dog anymore.
11 Light a candle you can see, and smell your own SBD
12 Stinkify your whole house
13 So real you can taste it
14 It’s bad. But you’ve done worse.
15 The tasteless gift that keeps on giving
16 Tootally awesome gifts for gassers
17 Like a real fart, but just the smell
18 Want to play the “smell this” game?
19 Like smelling a cat lady’s butt
20 Pumpkin spice is overrated. Time for a little fart.
21 Because real farts are gross
22 For the man who has everything. Except rancid smells.
23 The candle that makes you miss your brother
24 Enjoy your very own brown cloud
25 Now no one will know it was you
26 Make every room in your home smell like a toot
27 The “Dude, what did you eat?” scented candle
28 Make your house smell like a man
29 Clear a room in the time it takes to light a match
30 Cover up your own rancid gas with the smell of someone else’s
31 You might think this covers up the smell of farts, but you’d be wrong
32 Sure. It was the candle…
33 Proof that boys are dumber than girls
34 Crop dusting man caves, one candle at a time
35 The fart candle that gets better with age
36 For the manliest man cave in the clan
37 For people who want to smell farts, 24/7
38 Fantastic flatulence for forever friends
39 Crack a beer, light our candle, crank the TV. Instant man cave.
40 For people who can’t have nice things
41 Nobody ever forgets the friend who gave them a fart candle
42 Get a blast of hot wind for your own personal enjoyment
43 The discreet way of letting your company know it’s time to go
44 Setting the bar for rotten fart smells
45 Like standing downwind from a paper factory
46 Crop dust your whole house, without leaving the room
47 The candle that defines true male friendship
48 The perfect gag gift for dudes
49 Girlfriend trying to make your place smell lavender? Fight back.
50 Straight from the butts of exotic designers
51 The best part of a fart without the noise
52 The perfect accompaniment to your poop emoji pillow
53 Farted in the U.S.A.
54 Are lingering cooking smells ruining your home?
55 Great for the Father In Law you don’t really like
56 Helping men show their love, without saying a single word
57 The only fart that’s safe to light
58 Make your home smell like a paper factory
59 Breath it in
60 Most people like nice smells. But you’re not most people.
61 The candle that makes you think you stepped in something
62 Smells like the color brown
63 The anti poo-pouri
64 For dudes being dudes
65 You’ll be laughing all the way to the bathroom
66 Enjoy the ripped ass smell that lingers all day
67 Don’t try to figure out why you want this. You just do. And that’s OK.
68 For people with no taste (and hopefully, no smell)
69 As bad as it is, it’s probably still better than what you’re used to.
70 You’ve completed the look for your man cave. Now complete the smell.
71 Made from real U.S. man farts
72 It smells awful. You’re gonna love it
73 Your very own ticket to brown town
74 Smells just as bad you think it will. Only a little worse.
75 Farts stink. Here’s a whole jar of them.
76 You know you want to smell it
77 Because boys are gross
78 Give into to your senses
79 With love, from the bottom of your fheart
80 Smells like your old dorm room
81 Does your house smell terrible? Now you can make it even worse?
82 All the rotten egg stench you’d expect, with the perfect amount of hang time
83 Now you can make it smell like poop, every day of the year
84 Turn your white elephant exchange into a brown one
85 Whoever lasts in the room longest, wins
86 Just like grandma used to make
87 Helping ungassy people enjoy one of nature’s foulest aromas
88 Very stinky. You’re welcome.
89 They never go bad. They only get better.
90 The #1 way to make your house smell like #2
91 See if you can identify what we ate when we bottled this smell
92 Where farts can be enjoyed for hours
93 Emit your odoriferous emanations in peace
94 You’ll feel like you’re floating on cloud of farts
95 Still not the worst piece of ass you’ve ever brought home
96 We don’t want to toot our own, but our poppers pack a whopper
97 Make your man cave manlier
98 The candle for warm booty smells
99 Designed with only the most sophisticated poots in mind
100 Make your house smell like your old roommate
101 Rancid stinks, just for dudes
102 We normally don’t recommend lighting a flame near big butt smells, but in this case, we do
103 Clear a room real fast
104 Go ahead. Stink it up.

Overall: These stink. (← #105!) No, I kid! I had fun with these and I think they’d do really well in the appropriate setting. Like a Spencer’s Gift Store at the mall. Not the good mall. The old one that nobody goes to anymore. The one with a Sears. Lessons: Sometimes you just need to have fun. I was looking to get back on track and reignite my passion for this project. This did the trick

  • I suppose there’s a female market for this scent, but I didn’t address it. Not today. This one was for the boys.
  • Yup, I bought one. I’ve got a few friends who deserve this.
  • Laughed the whole way through
  • I can only image the retargeting I’m going to get after googling “terms for flatulence”
  • 82 lines without the template. Bam!

Time: 1 straight session, just over an hour.