I used to work for 5-hour Energy. Red Bull too. Very similar products but entirely different brands. I’ve got lots of great stories about both.
It’s been a few years since I played in this sandbox, so today I decided to revisit an old friend. Warning: It’s been a long day, and in a strange twist of fate, I could really use one of these right now.
Here are 101 lines about 5-hour Energy:
|Where will you be when tired hits?
|Making your mornings better, 2 ounces at a time
|Your everyday pick-me-up
|Stops your internal clock from crashing
|The bad taste is how it wakes up your tongue
|Kick jetlag into a whole different continent
|Your secret weapon for getting into the zone
|Your daily motivation now comes in a 2-ounce bottle
|For those who outgrow Red Bull
|Pull your energy out the red, without any bull
|Your demanding job suddenly seems less-demanding
|Not a morning person? You are now.
|Sometimes coffee just isn’t enough
|Energized bodies perform better
|Sometimes you don’t have enough time to be tired
|Put a little extra pep in your step
|All the power of an energy drink without the stigma
|Recharge your battery
|The energy shot for adults
|The clean burning fuel for your body
|Bye bye post-lunch food coma
|Make long meetings feel shorter
|Rev your own engine
|And you thought coffee made your day better
|Make your afternoons more productive
|Now you can keep up with your kids
|Fun-sized bottles. Big-sized energy.
|Keep your eyes on the road, longer
|Helping tired people get more done
|It doesn’t make you cool. It just makes you better.
|Make tired for other people
|Less fluid means fewer pit stops on road trips
|Tired? Not you.
|Get your entire workday done 3 hours early
|Get more out of your weekends
|All the energy you need, with fewer crashes than your computer
|Get your day started without the coffee breath
|Life is better when you’re awake
|Red Bull for old people
|Everything you need to make your brain faster
|Ain’t nobody got time for tired
|The little bottle that packs a big punch
|The afternoon pick me up you can keep in your pocket
|The energy shot you don’t need to be cool to buy
|For afternoons with more energy
|Relax. There’s enough energy for everyone
|Just the kick you’re looking for
|The healthy way to keep moving
|The “whoohooo!” maker
|Make yourself a morning person. Or an afternoon & evening person.
|Portable power for your whole body
|Give yourself the energy of a toddler
|The caffeine you can drink at any temperature
|Put your body on high alert
|8-hours of sleep now comes in a bottle
|Next time you hit the wall, you’ll plow right through it
|Helps make your to-do list done
|You’ll be able to hear yourself blink
|For anyone who wants more time at peak performance
|Wires you exactly the right way
|Stay alert on the road–and have fewer pit stops along the way
|Sleep is overrated
|0-60 in under 2 ounces
|Tired of falling asleep at your desk?
|Your energy drink, grown up
|Like new sparkplugs for your energy level
|Discreet energy for on-the-sly sipping
|Sometimes, you just need more caffeine
|When your friends want to hit the midnight release of a movie premier
|There’s a reason we sell over 1 million bottles every day
|Power through the daily grind
|All the energy without the sugar
|5 better hours in just 2 ounces
|Red Bull’s older, smarter, not-as-cool cousin
|All the benefits of coffee, and then some
|Kick your body into a higher gear
|Never sleep again
|Because 8-hours of sleep isn’t always an option
|Works great. Tastes gross.
|The quicker picker upper
|Because you need a pick-me-up that doesn’t make you want to skateboard
|It’s go time
|The “I don’t drink coffee or energy drinks” alternative
|Keep your pump throughout the day
|Pop open in your golf bag and stay focused on the back 9
|Tired of feeling like a wiped-out zombie?
|Bring the whole world into focus
|For when the boss schedules a 2-hour meeting right after lunch
|They keep you functioning when you can’t even
|Your portable power source
|Clear the cobwebs out of your head, fast
|Stay awake, even when you’re in snoozeville
|They kick your mind & body into gear
|Like coffee, but better (and no bad breath)
|Works like a charm
|Your new study buddy for late night cram sessions
|Bye bye tired
|Lightning in a bottle
|Your best bet for a better day
|Gives you the energy of a wound-up toddler
Overall, OK, but these are lacking a punch. Honestly, it’s been a long day and feel like I half-assed this list. I’m tired. Fell asleep while writing it. No joke. Very ironic.
Lessons: Don’t write tired. Especially about energy products
Let’s put this on the “try again later” list. I can do better. This is a little generic. Even so, there are a few decent lines here.
Time: 1 hour, split by an unscheduled nap