Image result for 5-hour energy logo

I used to work for 5-hour Energy. Red Bull too. Very similar products but entirely different brands. I’ve got lots of great stories about both.

It’s been a few years since I played in this sandbox, so today I decided to revisit an old friend. Warning: It’s been a long day, and in a strange twist of fate, I could really use one of these right now.

Here are 101 lines about 5-hour Energy:

1Where will you be when tired hits?
2Making your mornings better, 2 ounces at a time
3Your everyday pick-me-up
4Stops your internal clock from crashing
5The bad taste is how it wakes up your tongue
6Kick jetlag into a whole different continent
7Your secret weapon for getting into the zone
8Your daily motivation now comes in a 2-ounce bottle
9For those who outgrow Red Bull
10Pull your energy out the red, without any bull
11Your demanding job suddenly seems less-demanding
12Not a morning person? You are now.
13Sometimes coffee just isn’t enough
14Energized bodies perform better
15Sometimes you don’t have enough time to be tired
16Put a little extra pep in your step
17All the power of an energy drink without the stigma
18Recharge your battery
19The energy shot for adults
20The clean burning fuel for your body
21Bye bye post-lunch food coma
22Make long meetings feel shorter
23Rev your own engine
24And you thought coffee made your day better
25Make your afternoons more productive
26Now you can keep up with your kids
27Fun-sized bottles. Big-sized energy.
28Keep your eyes on the road, longer
29Helping tired people get more done
30It doesn’t make you cool. It just makes you better.
31Make tired for other people
32Less fluid means fewer pit stops on road trips
33Tired? Not you.
34Get your entire workday done 3 hours early
35Get more out of your weekends
36All the energy you need, with fewer crashes than your computer
37Get your day started without the coffee breath
38Life is better when you’re awake
39Red Bull for old people
40Everything you need to make your brain faster
41Ain’t nobody got time for tired
42The little bottle that packs a big punch
43The afternoon pick me up you can keep in your pocket
44The energy shot you don’t need to be cool to buy
45For afternoons with more energy
46Relax. There’s enough energy for everyone
47Just the kick you’re looking for
48The healthy way to keep moving
49The “whoohooo!” maker
50Make yourself a morning person. Or an afternoon & evening person.
51Portable power for your whole body
52Give yourself the energy of a toddler
53The caffeine you can drink at any temperature
54Coffee 2.0
55Put your body on high alert
568-hours of sleep now comes in a bottle
57Next time you hit the wall, you’ll plow right through it
58Helps make your to-do list done
59You’ll be able to hear yourself blink
60For anyone who wants more time at peak performance
61Wires you exactly the right way
62Stay alert on the road–and have fewer pit stops along the way
63Sleep is overrated
640-60 in under 2 ounces
65Tired of falling asleep at your desk?
66Your energy drink, grown up
67Like new sparkplugs for your energy level
68Discreet energy for on-the-sly sipping
69Sometimes, you just need more caffeine
70When your friends want to hit the midnight release of a movie premier
71There’s a reason we sell over 1 million bottles every day
72Power through the daily grind
73All the energy without the sugar
745 better hours in just 2 ounces
75Red Bull’s older, smarter, not-as-cool cousin
76All the benefits of coffee, and then some
77Kick your body into a higher gear
78Never sleep again
79Because 8-hours of sleep isn’t always an option
80Works great. Tastes gross.
81The quicker picker upper
82Because you need a pick-me-up that doesn’t make you want to skateboard
83It’s go time
84The “I don’t drink coffee or energy drinks” alternative
85Keep your pump throughout the day
86Pop open in your golf bag and stay focused on the back 9
87Tired of feeling like a wiped-out zombie?
88Bring the whole world into focus
89For when the boss schedules a 2-hour meeting right after lunch
90They keep you functioning when you can’t even
91Your portable power source
92Clear the cobwebs out of your head, fast
93Stay awake, even when you’re in snoozeville
94They kick your mind & body into gear
95Like coffee, but better (and no bad breath)
96Works like a charm
97Your new study buddy for late night cram sessions
98Bye bye tired
99Lightning in a bottle
100Your best bet for a better day
101Gives you the energy of a wound-up toddler


Overall, OK, but these are lacking a punch. Honestly, it’s been a long day and feel like I half-assed this list. I’m tired. Fell asleep while writing it. No joke. Very ironic.

Lessons: Don’t write tired. Especially about energy products

Let’s put this on the “try again later” list. I can do better. This is a little generic. Even so, there are a few decent lines here.

Time: 1 hour, split by an unscheduled nap