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Back in Savannah, I had a friend with a plan. And that plan was Timeshare Monkeys.

He was convinced he could make money from this. To his defense, he never said this when he was sober and he never went through with it. Because it’s a terrible idea. But so much fun to think about.

Continuing the adoption theme of the last 2 posts and building off stars & owls, today we write about monkeys.

Imagine my shock when I found there was a site already established about this. Much to my pleasure, it’s a fake site that tells you every reason you should never try it.  So kudos to these guys.

Don’t get a monkey, folks.

Here are 102 lines about Timeshare Monkeys:

1The try-before-you-buy introduction to monkey life
2Helping curious monkey lovers find the life
3Nothing says “I love you” like sharing a monkey with someone
4Get yourself a big yellow hat, and satisfy your curiousity, George
5Quit monkeying around, and start monkeying around
6Turn your apartment into a safari
7Time to be a monkey’s uncle
8The fastest way to get poop on your walls
9There are cat people. There are dog people. But you’re a Monkey Person
10Nothing warms your heart faster than a pet monkey
11Make any day a monkey day
12If you think dogs helped you get girls, wait until you bring your monkey outside
13Now you can be like Ross from “Friends”
14Just like owning a monkey, buy only for a little while
15You’ll love your rhesus to pieces
16Kids go bananas for our monkeys
17Try the monkey experience
18Live the monkey life
19Got a few extra bananas lying around?
20Your source for exotic monkey rentals
21Get a monkey you can trade in every year
22We see no evil in your plan
23Have you been monkeying around with adoption ideas?
24Smarter than a dog, and cuter than most babies
25Meet your new fur-baby
26You’ve seen them in the zoo. Now bring one home for the weekend
27Now you won’t be the one with the fuzziest back
28Get the part-time pet you’ve always dreamed about
29Yes more monkey business
30Monkeys light up your life (but tear apart your living space)
31Make your home more fun than a barrel of monkeys
32See if ape life is right for you
33Hey kids! Wanna touch my monkey?
34Own a monkey, but only when you want one
35No gift can touch the magic of a monkey
36The best way to alienate your neighbors
37For men who make bad decisions
38The monkey you’ll always love, but only be responsible for part-time
39The best way to get your kids to stop asking for a monkey, is to give them one
40Yes, they throw poop. But they’re still so darn cute
41Ever want a monkey?
42Be the first person on your block to domesticate a primate!
43Discover the thrill of part-time monkey ownership
44The monkey friend with benefits (of sharing)
45Like having a hairy little human around (that bites)
46It’s dangerous in the jungle. Bring a monkey inside
47One monkey is more fun than a barrel full
48Imagine how much fun a whole barrel would be!
49Get that monkey off your back–and into your apartment!
50The most fun you can have losing the security deposit on your apartment
51For when you want a monkey, but only for a while
52You’ll go ape over our monkey rentals!
53Monkeys make the best cuddlers
54Pass around the monkey love
55Love animals? Love kids? Then a primate may be for you!
56Have cuppucino with a capuchin
57Thinking you might want to own a monkey? Try us first!
58Stop monkeying around, and have a monkey around
59Make your home a monkey sanctuary
60They say you shouldn’t own a monkey. But you’ve never been one for rules.
61We’re serious about our monkey business
62Ever wish you could get through all the bananas before they turn bad?
63When you love someone, you share a monkey
64Because you living in a zoo is a silly idea
65Renting a monkey is better than owning
66Monkey up
67The “want to pet my monkey” pick-up line you’ve been waiting for?
68All the feels, and banana peels
69Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?
70The best part-time pet you can think of
71Now you’ll have one swingin’ bachelor pad
72Monkey see, monkey do, monkey living at home with you
73Who says it’s bad to have a monkey on your back
74Turn your home into a circus–one week at a time
75Just because you shouldn’t rent a monkey, doesn’t mean you can’t.
76For people who want a monkey, but also like to vacation
77Live the good life of monkey ownership
78You always said you’ll be a monkey’s uncle
79Make a monkey of yourself
80Need a monkey, but only for a little while?
81Get a monkey without the paperwork
82Life is better when a monkey is around
83Like having partial custody of a child. But with a monkey.
84A pimp for your chimp
85Everyone wants a monkey sometimes
86Haven’t you always wanted to throw a monkey party?
87Start with a  base monkey, and upgrade as you go
88Just because primates aren’t domesticated, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try
89Ever been jealous of the man in the yellow hat?
90Own a monkey for just the right amount of time
91Every monkey deserves a good home
92The wallet-friendly monkey rental program
93Become a part-time monkey mom today!
94Take monkeying around to a whole new level
95It’s like playing Jumanji!
96Share a monkey with your friends!
97Now you can be the cool parent on the block
98Get the monkey off your back and into your home
99Now you know what to do with all those little vests you bought
100Monkey see, monkey you
101Meet your new best friend
102Why get a full-time dog when you can get a timeshare monkey?


Overall: Too silly to judge. This was fun, but it took a little while to get going. I kept thinking about the social responsibility angle. But I trust you know me enough by now to understand I do not convey renting a monkey.


  • I used memes again today. They helped with a few of the wonderfully awful puns you see. They’re terrible and I love them most of all.
  • It got a little snarky at times, but that’s OK
  • I thought this would be easier than it was. Not just the responsible angle, but overall…
  • Once I had a good base going of about 40 lines, things moved a little easier
  • I wound up on Reddit for the first time. That’s a bad place to be if you want to get something done.

Time: 1 session of just over an hour.

If you’re wondering why some of the last few have been 1 session (which is pretty draining), it’s because life gets in the way and I have to do some real work that pays me.

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