If you’ve been following along, you’ll understand how hard this was for me not to write 100 lines about “your junk.” The jokes just write themselves!. But I resisted
No, instead, I took this seriously. And it was surprisingly enjoyable to write about. I like that it’s a really useful service. I didn’t focus on any one company in particular, but instead browsed a few local sites here in Atlanta. The pages ranged from pretty good to oh-my-lord-did-a-toddler-write-this? So many exclamation marks…
Get your mind out of the gutter and the junk out of your trunk. Here are 111 lines about bulk removal services:
| 1 | The best gift you can give yourself is the avoidance of hard labor |
| 2 | Reclaim your space in less time than it takes to vacuum |
| 3 | We’re not done until you say so |
| 4 | Lose the junk without straining your back |
| 5 | Prompt, polite, and priced-right removal of all your junk |
| 6 | Whatever clutter you want gone, we’ll get gone |
| 7 | The truck that makes your junk disappear |
| 8 | When appliances break, we’ll take them off your hands |
| 9 | Learn what it’s like to be a minimalist |
| 10 | Save a trip to the dump. We’re headed there anyway. |
| 11 | Put your junk in our trunk |
| 12 | Even if it’s junk, it’s YOUR junk. And you want it handled with respect |
| 13 | We treat your junk with respect |
| 14 | Unjunkify your life |
| 15 | Just point to your junk piles, and we’ll take it from there |
| 16 | Say the word and we’ll make it disappear for you |
| 17 | Easy on your wallet, easy on your walls |
| 18 | It’s going to feel good to free up all that space |
| 19 | The gentleman movers who treat your treasures with respect |
| 20 | The movers who make your junk disappear |
| 21 | Junk removal without the wall dents |
| 22 | Schedule a time to free up your life |
| 23 | Some things are just too big to put by the curb |
| 24 | For all the items too big to even get to the cub |
| 25 | Just think of all the new things you can buy to fill up your new space |
| 26 | Just because you lose the furniture, doesn’t mean you can’t keep the memories |
| 27 | when you need to downsize, we know just what to do |
| 28 | Make your home free of debris |
| 29 | Get a great to haul your large items away |
| 30 | Imagine how much room you’ll have when all your clutter is gone |
| 31 | We’ll clean up your clutter, and after ourselves |
| 32 | Clear your basement, clean your garage |
| 33 | When the clutter is gone, the relief is instant |
| 34 | Uncluttering is good for your soul |
| 35 | Shed the items, keep the memories |
| 36 | We treat your furniture as well as you’ve treated it all these years |
| 37 | Helping homeowners reclaim their space |
| 38 | A truck and some muscle to haul your clutter away |
| 39 | Not quite sure what to do with that broken water heater? |
| 40 | Moving sucks. We make it suck less. |
| 41 | You enjoy you new, open space. We’ll take care of the grunting and groaning. |
| 42 | Just point, and we’ll make it gone |
| 43 | For junk collectors looking to free up space for more |
| 44 | It’s time to start over |
| 45 | Clearing out clutter, one basement at a time |
| 46 | What were you planning on doing with those old mattresses anyway? |
| 47 | We’ll gladly hold your junk |
| 48 | Not sure if you want it gone? Think about the new piece you’ll love even more |
| 49 | Free up your life in less than 30 minutes |
| 50 | Junk removal for any size project you have |
| 51 | Prompt pick-up for whatever you need gone |
| 52 | We can haul it away fast, or give you a moment to say goodbye |
| 53 | Hoarders, we feel you, my friend. |
| 54 | We understand losing items isn’t easy. We’ll only take what you need us to. |
| 55 | The good news for big junk piles |
| 56 | When it’s time to upgrade your furniture, we’ll remove the old pieces for you |
| 57 | Lift the weight off your shoulders and into our truck |
| 58 | Remove all the unfinished projects from your life |
| 59 | Make your junk disappear like magic |
| 60 | If you need it gone, we’ll make it go |
| 61 | Wondering what to do with your broken refrigerator? |
| 62 | We treat your items as well as we treat you (and that’s pretty darn well) |
| 63 | Sit back and relax on your new stuff while we haul off your old stuff |
| 64 | Rip off the Band-Aid. We’ll haul all your clutter away in one single trip |
| 65 | Lose the junk, fast |
| 66 | Consolidating houses? We’ll help you remove the duplicates. |
| 67 | The easiest way to make moving less cumbersome |
| 68 | Too big for the curb, too small for a dumpster |
| 69 | After 22 years in your basement, it’s safe to get rid of that old couch |
| 70 | What will take you a whole weekend, only takes us 30 minutes. Get your time back. |
| 71 | Say bye-bye to whatever’s clogging up your home |
| 72 | For when you need it gone, fast |
| 73 | Don’t just clean. Unjunk. |
| 74 | Lighten the load before your big move |
| 75 | Give us a call. That old hot tub isn’t going to move itself. |
| 76 | Where you lose your clutter and find your space |
| 77 | The “All I had to do was sit and point” junk removal service |
| 78 | Make way for the new stuff |
| 79 | Upgrade your life. Downgrade your clutter |
| 80 | The right amount of manpower to remove whatever you need |
| 81 | Big junk is our favorite |
| 82 | Where cluttered homes suddenly feel bigger |
| 83 | Safe removal of all your old items |
| 84 | Let us lighten the load for you |
| 85 | We respect your property as much as we respect you |
| 86 | Lighten your load |
| 87 | No nonsense junk removal |
| 88 | Unclutter your life |
| 89 | Put your old apartment in the past |
| 90 | Damage free, junk removal |
| 91 | So friendly, you may miss us more than your old junk |
| 92 | You’ve done enough work. Let us handle all the heavy lifting from here. |
| 93 | Shed the items from your old life |
| 94 | Avoid the headache—and the backache—of removing your old junk |
| 95 | Don’t let clutter weigh you down |
| 96 | Junk it, load it, haul it away |
| 97 | Big stuff. Random stuff. Gone stuff. |
| 98 | It’s amazing how much you’ve accumulated over the years. Time to start fresh |
| 99 | Give yourself a clean slate |
| 100 | Where basements are way bigger than you thought |
| 101 | Just because you can take it with you, doesn’t mean you should |
| 102 | We’ll treat your junk like it was our own |
| 103 | For homeowners who are starting to feel closed in |
| 104 | Have professional gentlemen handle the items in your home |
| 105 | Take the weight off your shoulders and out of your house |
| 106 | Just one truck can free up your whole life |
| 107 | Like having a huge weight lifted from your home’s shoulders |
| 108 | Give your furniture collection a fresh start |
| 109 | Just as strong as the other guys, and way more professional |
| 110 | We understand the emotional attachment and treat your items with respect |
| 111 | For when you’ve got enough junk in your home to fill an entire truck |
Overall: Surprisingly good! I don’t know why it was a surprise. I’m starting to enjoy writing about services. But I didn’t expect so many easy lines and variations.
Lessons: The reviews were great. There were a lot of interesting themes you might not expect–like relief, appreciation and professionalism. This isn’t (always) about Tony & Earl showing up and hauling away your old refrigerator. There were some heart-warming stories about crews working hard to help people improve their property, get them out of a pickle, and respect the individual situations. I was a welcome discovery.
Time: 2 sessions, 55 minutes.
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