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If you’ve been following along, you’ll understand how hard this was for me not to write 100 lines about “your junk.” The jokes just write themselves!. But I resisted

No, instead, I took this seriously. And it was surprisingly enjoyable to write about. I like that it’s a really useful service. I didn’t focus on any one company in particular, but instead browsed a few local sites here in Atlanta. The pages ranged from pretty good to oh-my-lord-did-a-toddler-write-this? So many exclamation marks…

Get your mind out of the gutter and the junk out of your trunk. Here are 111 lines about bulk removal services:

1 The best gift you can give yourself is the avoidance of hard labor
2 Reclaim your space in less time than it takes to vacuum 
3 We’re not done until you say so
4 Lose the junk without straining your back
5 Prompt, polite, and priced-right removal of all your junk
6 Whatever clutter you want gone, we’ll get gone
7 The truck that makes your junk disappear
8 When appliances break, we’ll take them off your hands
9 Learn what it’s like to be a minimalist
10 Save a trip to the dump. We’re headed there anyway.
11 Put your junk in our trunk
12 Even if it’s junk, it’s YOUR junk. And you want it handled with respect
13 We treat your junk with respect
14 Unjunkify your life
15 Just point to your junk piles, and we’ll take it from there
16 Say the word and we’ll make it disappear for you
17 Easy on your wallet, easy on your walls
18 It’s going to feel good to free up all that space
19 The gentleman movers who treat your treasures with respect
20 The movers who make your junk disappear
21 Junk removal without the wall dents
22 Schedule a time to free up your life
23 Some things are just too big to put by the curb
24 For all the items too big to even get to the cub
25 Just think of all the new things you can buy to fill up your new space
26 Just because you lose the furniture, doesn’t mean you can’t keep the memories
27 when you need to downsize, we know just what to do
28 Make your home free of debris
29 Get a great to haul your large items away
30 Imagine how much room you’ll have when all your clutter is gone
31 We’ll clean up your clutter, and after ourselves
32 Clear your basement, clean your garage
33 When the clutter is gone, the relief is instant
34 Uncluttering is good for your soul
35 Shed the items, keep the memories
36 We treat your furniture as well as you’ve treated it all these years
37 Helping homeowners reclaim their space
38 A truck and some muscle to haul your clutter away
39 Not quite sure what to do with that broken water heater?
40 Moving sucks. We make it suck less.
41 You enjoy you new, open space. We’ll take care of the grunting and groaning.
42 Just point, and we’ll make it gone
43 For junk collectors looking to free up space for more
44 It’s time to start over
45 Clearing out clutter, one basement at a time
46 What were you planning on doing with those old mattresses anyway?
47 We’ll gladly hold your junk
48 Not sure if you want it gone? Think about the new piece you’ll love even more
49 Free up your life in less than 30 minutes
50 Junk removal for any size project you have
51 Prompt pick-up for whatever you need gone
52 We can haul it away fast, or give you a moment to say goodbye
53 Hoarders, we feel you, my friend.
54 We understand losing items isn’t easy. We’ll only take what you need us to.
55 The good news for big junk piles
56 When it’s time to upgrade your furniture, we’ll remove the old pieces for you
57 Lift the weight off your shoulders and into our truck
58 Remove all the unfinished projects from your life
59 Make your junk disappear like magic
60 If you need it gone, we’ll make it go
61 Wondering what to do with your broken refrigerator?
62 We treat your items as well as we treat you (and that’s pretty darn well)
63 Sit back and relax on your new stuff while we haul off your old stuff
64 Rip off the Band-Aid. We’ll haul all your clutter away in one single trip
65 Lose the junk, fast
66 Consolidating houses? We’ll help you remove the duplicates.
67 The easiest way to make moving less cumbersome
68 Too big for the curb, too small for a dumpster
69 After 22 years in your basement, it’s safe to get rid of that old couch
70 What will take you a whole weekend, only takes us 30 minutes. Get your time back.
71 Say bye-bye to whatever’s clogging up your home
72 For when you need it gone, fast
73 Don’t just clean. Unjunk.
74 Lighten the load before your big move
75 Give us a call. That old hot tub isn’t going to move itself.
76 Where you lose your clutter and find your space
77 The “All I had to do was sit and point” junk removal service
78 Make way for the new stuff
79 Upgrade your life. Downgrade your clutter
80 The right amount of manpower to remove whatever you need
81 Big junk is our favorite
82 Where cluttered homes suddenly feel bigger
83 Safe removal of all your old items
84 Let us lighten the load for you
85 We respect your property as much as we respect you
86 Lighten your load
87 No nonsense junk removal
88 Unclutter your life
89 Put your old apartment in the past
90 Damage free, junk removal
91 So friendly, you may miss us more than your old junk
92 You’ve done enough work. Let us handle all the heavy lifting from here.
93 Shed the items from your old life
94 Avoid the headache—and the backache—of removing your old junk
95 Don’t let clutter weigh you down
96 Junk it, load it, haul it away
97 Big stuff. Random stuff. Gone stuff.
98 It’s amazing how much you’ve accumulated over the years. Time to start fresh
99 Give yourself a clean slate
100 Where basements are way bigger than you thought
101 Just because you can take it with you, doesn’t mean you should
102 We’ll treat your junk like it was our own
103 For homeowners who are starting to feel closed in
104 Have professional gentlemen handle the items in your home
105 Take the weight off your shoulders and out of your house
106 Just one truck can free up your whole life
107 Like having a huge weight lifted from your home’s shoulders
108 Give your furniture collection a fresh start
109 Just as strong as the other guys, and way more professional
110 We understand the emotional attachment and treat your items with respect
111 For when you’ve got enough junk in your home to fill an entire truck

Overall: Surprisingly good! I don’t know why it was a surprise. I’m starting to enjoy writing about services. But I didn’t expect so many easy lines and variations.

Lessons: The reviews were great. There were a lot of interesting themes you might not expect–like relief, appreciation and professionalism. This isn’t (always) about Tony & Earl showing up and hauling away your old refrigerator. There were some heart-warming stories about crews working hard to help people improve their property, get them out of a pickle, and respect the individual situations. I was a welcome discovery.

Time: 2 sessions, 55 minutes.