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If you’ve been following along, you’ll understand how hard this was for me not to write 100 lines about “your junk.” The jokes just write themselves!. But I resisted

No, instead, I took this seriously. And it was surprisingly enjoyable to write about. I like that it’s a really useful service. I didn’t focus on any one company in particular, but instead browsed a few local sites here in Atlanta. The pages ranged from pretty good to oh-my-lord-did-a-toddler-write-this? So many exclamation marks…

Get your mind out of the gutter and the junk out of your trunk. Here are 111 lines about bulk removal services:

1The best gift you can give yourself is the avoidance of hard labor
2Reclaim your space in less time than it takes to vacuum 
3We’re not done until you say so
4Lose the junk without straining your back
5Prompt, polite, and priced-right removal of all your junk
6Whatever clutter you want gone, we’ll get gone
7The truck that makes your junk disappear
8When appliances break, we’ll take them off your hands
9Learn what it’s like to be a minimalist
10Save a trip to the dump. We’re headed there anyway.
11Put your junk in our trunk
12Even if it’s junk, it’s YOUR junk. And you want it handled with respect
13We treat your junk with respect
14Unjunkify your life
15Just point to your junk piles, and we’ll take it from there
16Say the word and we’ll make it disappear for you
17Easy on your wallet, easy on your walls
18It’s going to feel good to free up all that space
19The gentleman movers who treat your treasures with respect
20The movers who make your junk disappear
21Junk removal without the wall dents
22Schedule a time to free up your life
23Some things are just too big to put by the curb
24For all the items too big to even get to the cub
25Just think of all the new things you can buy to fill up your new space
26Just because you lose the furniture, doesn’t mean you can’t keep the memories
27when you need to downsize, we know just what to do
28Make your home free of debris
29Get a great to haul your large items away
30Imagine how much room you’ll have when all your clutter is gone
31We’ll clean up your clutter, and after ourselves
32Clear your basement, clean your garage
33When the clutter is gone, the relief is instant
34Uncluttering is good for your soul
35Shed the items, keep the memories
36We treat your furniture as well as you’ve treated it all these years
37Helping homeowners reclaim their space
38A truck and some muscle to haul your clutter away
39Not quite sure what to do with that broken water heater?
40Moving sucks. We make it suck less.
41You enjoy you new, open space. We’ll take care of the grunting and groaning.
42Just point, and we’ll make it gone
43For junk collectors looking to free up space for more
44It’s time to start over
45Clearing out clutter, one basement at a time
46What were you planning on doing with those old mattresses anyway?
47We’ll gladly hold your junk
48Not sure if you want it gone? Think about the new piece you’ll love even more
49Free up your life in less than 30 minutes
50Junk removal for any size project you have
51Prompt pick-up for whatever you need gone
52We can haul it away fast, or give you a moment to say goodbye
53Hoarders, we feel you, my friend.
54We understand losing items isn’t easy. We’ll only take what you need us to.
55The good news for big junk piles
56When it’s time to upgrade your furniture, we’ll remove the old pieces for you
57Lift the weight off your shoulders and into our truck
58Remove all the unfinished projects from your life
59Make your junk disappear like magic
60If you need it gone, we’ll make it go
61Wondering what to do with your broken refrigerator?
62We treat your items as well as we treat you (and that’s pretty darn well)
63Sit back and relax on your new stuff while we haul off your old stuff
64Rip off the Band-Aid. We’ll haul all your clutter away in one single trip
65Lose the junk, fast
66Consolidating houses? We’ll help you remove the duplicates.
67The easiest way to make moving less cumbersome
68Too big for the curb, too small for a dumpster
69After 22 years in your basement, it’s safe to get rid of that old couch
70What will take you a whole weekend, only takes us 30 minutes. Get your time back.
71Say bye-bye to whatever’s clogging up your home
72For when you need it gone, fast
73Don’t just clean. Unjunk.
74Lighten the load before your big move
75Give us a call. That old hot tub isn’t going to move itself.
76Where you lose your clutter and find your space
77The “All I had to do was sit and point” junk removal service
78Make way for the new stuff
79Upgrade your life. Downgrade your clutter
80The right amount of manpower to remove whatever you need
81Big junk is our favorite
82Where cluttered homes suddenly feel bigger
83Safe removal of all your old items
84Let us lighten the load for you
85We respect your property as much as we respect you
86Lighten your load
87No nonsense junk removal
88Unclutter your life
89Put your old apartment in the past
90Damage free, junk removal
91So friendly, you may miss us more than your old junk
92You’ve done enough work. Let us handle all the heavy lifting from here.
93Shed the items from your old life
94Avoid the headache—and the backache—of removing your old junk
95Don’t let clutter weigh you down
96Junk it, load it, haul it away
97Big stuff. Random stuff. Gone stuff.
98It’s amazing how much you’ve accumulated over the years. Time to start fresh
99Give yourself a clean slate
100Where basements are way bigger than you thought
101Just because you can take it with you, doesn’t mean you should
102We’ll treat your junk like it was our own
103For homeowners who are starting to feel closed in
104Have professional gentlemen handle the items in your home
105Take the weight off your shoulders and out of your house
106Just one truck can free up your whole life
107Like having a huge weight lifted from your home’s shoulders
108Give your furniture collection a fresh start
109Just as strong as the other guys, and way more professional
110We understand the emotional attachment and treat your items with respect
111For when you’ve got enough junk in your home to fill an entire truck

Overall: Surprisingly good! I don’t know why it was a surprise. I’m starting to enjoy writing about services. But I didn’t expect so many easy lines and variations.

Lessons: The reviews were great. There were a lot of interesting themes you might not expect–like relief, appreciation and professionalism. This isn’t (always) about Tony & Earl showing up and hauling away your old refrigerator. There were some heart-warming stories about crews working hard to help people improve their property, get them out of a pickle, and respect the individual situations. I was a welcome discovery.

Time: 2 sessions, 55 minutes.