Heads up. I’m going super niche today. If you’re not into hockey, goalies specifically, this post will be of little interest to you.

…Still here?

Alright.That means we can talk about the good stuff. Butterfly slides, VH, reverse VH, single-T vs. double-T gloves…

…Aaand there goes everyone else but the goalies.

So, you’ve probably seen these bungee cords that people are replacing their toe ties with. I started using them this season, and man alive, what a difference! Monster Hockey has gone off the deep end with replacing everything they can with the stuff. And they have all kinds of products you can use to tweak your pads. Professor straps, lacing systems, knee blocks, etc. All great stuff. They’ve earned my business, and today’s headlines.

Here are 101 lines about Monster Hockey:

1Worn out knee blocks bruising you up?
2Widen your butterfly in 2 simple straps
3How to make your beer league pads react like pros
4Everything you need to lighten, tighten & customize your pads
5All the “whoa, my pads feel way better!” gadgets
6For goalies who want a better butterfly
7The behind the pad secrets of elite goaltenders
8For goalies tired of slamming their knees on the ice
9The best thing to happen to goalies since the butterfly
10Lighten your pads
11The bad news for good shooters
12You’ll be amazed how good your old pads can feel
13Make your old pads feel new again
14Stop using archaic strap designs
15Grab your pads. They’re not going to get faster just by watching.
16Not just faster. Safer.
17Make your pads feel like your legs
18The easiest way to get a better butterfly
19Bungee into the perfect butterfly
20The pad straps that make your legs move faster
21Do you suffer for butterfly ankles?
22How to customize your pads on the cheap
23Sometimes a small purchase makes a big change
24The next time you let in a soft goal, you’ll kick yourself for not ordering this
25How to make your pads faster
26The pad strap system that just makes sense
27Pro-level tweaks for beer-leage goalies
28Butterfly goalies! Cushion those knees.
29Bungee your way into a butterfly slide
30Strap ’em on and slide
31Get a better pad feel without losing the rotation
32No more floppy pads
33Wear what the pros are wearing
34Made for goalies, built by goalies
35Make your pads lighter and tighter
36Better rotation. Better butterfly.
37Got a floppy pad problem? 
38Psst. Your pad straps suck.
39Lose the ties and get some straps
40Stop using floppy pads
41The fastest way to speed up your dressing time
42You don’t have to loosen your pads so much anymore
43When you’re lighter, you’re faster
44The “nice save” maker
45Pro-tweaked pads. Beer league budget.
46Dial in the perfect flex
47Like putting new spark plugs in your goalie pads
48Making your pads more responsive, one butterfly at a time
49Never step on loose toe ties again
50With all the goalie pad innovations since the 1960’s, everyone overlooked the leather straps
51Make your pads better in 3 minutes flat
52Ease the pressure on your knees and hips
53Take a look what’s behind your pads
54Step up your butterfly in less time than it takes to warm up
55Do your ankles hurt after a game?
56Goalies! Speed up!
57Get cooler, lighter & faster goaltending gear
58When your pads react faster, you stop more pucks
59Customize your pads (without getting custom pads)
60One devil of a design
61The secret to a wider butterfly
62Make your floppy pads move as you move
63No more cursing your damn toe ties
64The 3-minute method of improving pad rotation
65Lighter, tighter & faster pads
66Better rotation without the floppy pads
67It’s not a bungee cord. It’s a faster, lighter pad.
68The little tweaks to tighten up your gear
69How to make your pads feel like part of your leg
70Get on the ice faster. Move on the ice faster.
71Stay connected to your pad, throughout the entire butterfly
72Get a better butterfly
73Bye-bye knee stress
74Get the monster. Play posessed.
75Step up your pad strap game
76No more crashing your knees on the ice
77The landing gear that cushions that your knees
78How to stop more pucks, faster.
79You move faster when your pads are lighter
80Discover how fast your legs really are (without sacrificing pad flexibility)
81Picture your butterfly, better
82How going back to a tighter pad is actually better than hanging loose
83Lower your G.A.A. by speeding up your pad responsiveness
84All the little things that make your game better
85No more sore knees and ankles
86It’s only a matter of time before this goalie secret gets out
87Stronger pushes. Faster recovery. Better rotation.
88Get faster pads without shelling out big bucks
89Because everything about your pads, except the leather straps, is new technology
90Tired of slipping on your floppy toe ties?
91Come see what the pros use on their equipment
92Faster pad reaction = Fewer goals
93Less time in the locker room means more time on the ice.
94Custom cool for your pads
95Where the pads are always better
96Bad news for big goalie pad makers
97Ease your knees into the slide
98The champagne of beer league goalie gear
99Snug up your pads
100You’re not still using shoe laces, are you?
101The biggest goaltending innovation since Jacque put on a mask


Overall: Pretty solid. I think they do a good job talking to the right audience and use the proper lingo. There’s not a lot of text on their homepage, so I’m not sure how many of these could actually be used, but maybe in social.

Lessons: It was was cool to dive into jargon I knew would resonate. This is such a specific niche that you need to talk like they (I) talk.

  • Hardly touched the templates, except to keep the flow going.
  • I’m not a traditional butterfly goalie, so I had to fake it a little. But I do have sore knees and hips after games so it was an actual pain I could speak to.
  • There’s a mixed audience of young & old and I’m not sure which is their core demographic. Further editing could be done if I had that info.
  • I realize very few people are going to read this one and I’m completely OK with that. Sometimes ya gotta write for yourself

Time: 2 sessions: 55 minutes.