Heads up. I’m going super niche today. If you’re not into hockey, goalies specifically, this post will be of little interest to you.

…Still here?

Alright.That means we can talk about the good stuff. Butterfly slides, VH, reverse VH, single-T vs. double-T gloves…

…Aaand there goes everyone else but the goalies.

So, you’ve probably seen these bungee cords that people are replacing their toe ties with. I started using them this season, and man alive, what a difference! Monster Hockey has gone off the deep end with replacing everything they can with the stuff. And they have all kinds of products you can use to tweak your pads. Professor straps, lacing systems, knee blocks, etc. All great stuff. They’ve earned my business, and today’s headlines.

Here are 101 lines about Monster Hockey:

1 Worn out knee blocks bruising you up?
2 Widen your butterfly in 2 simple straps
3 How to make your beer league pads react like pros
4 Everything you need to lighten, tighten & customize your pads
5 All the “whoa, my pads feel way better!” gadgets
6 For goalies who want a better butterfly
7 The behind the pad secrets of elite goaltenders
8 For goalies tired of slamming their knees on the ice
9 The best thing to happen to goalies since the butterfly
10 Lighten your pads
11 The bad news for good shooters
12 You’ll be amazed how good your old pads can feel
13 Make your old pads feel new again
14 Stop using archaic strap designs
15 Grab your pads. They’re not going to get faster just by watching.
16 Not just faster. Safer.
17 Make your pads feel like your legs
18 The easiest way to get a better butterfly
19 Bungee into the perfect butterfly
20 The pad straps that make your legs move faster
21 Do you suffer for butterfly ankles?
22 How to customize your pads on the cheap
23 Sometimes a small purchase makes a big change
24 The next time you let in a soft goal, you’ll kick yourself for not ordering this
25 How to make your pads faster
26 The pad strap system that just makes sense
27 Pro-level tweaks for beer-leage goalies
28 Butterfly goalies! Cushion those knees.
29 Bungee your way into a butterfly slide
30 Strap ’em on and slide
31 Get a better pad feel without losing the rotation
32 No more floppy pads
33 Wear what the pros are wearing
34 Made for goalies, built by goalies
35 Make your pads lighter and tighter
36 Better rotation. Better butterfly.
37 Got a floppy pad problem? 
38 Psst. Your pad straps suck.
39 Lose the ties and get some straps
40 Stop using floppy pads
41 The fastest way to speed up your dressing time
42 You don’t have to loosen your pads so much anymore
43 When you’re lighter, you’re faster
44 The “nice save” maker
45 Pro-tweaked pads. Beer league budget.
46 Dial in the perfect flex
47 Like putting new spark plugs in your goalie pads
48 Making your pads more responsive, one butterfly at a time
49 Never step on loose toe ties again
50 With all the goalie pad innovations since the 1960’s, everyone overlooked the leather straps
51 Make your pads better in 3 minutes flat
52 Ease the pressure on your knees and hips
53 Take a look what’s behind your pads
54 Step up your butterfly in less time than it takes to warm up
55 Do your ankles hurt after a game?
56 Goalies! Speed up!
57 Get cooler, lighter & faster goaltending gear
58 When your pads react faster, you stop more pucks
59 Customize your pads (without getting custom pads)
60 One devil of a design
61 The secret to a wider butterfly
62 Make your floppy pads move as you move
63 No more cursing your damn toe ties
64 The 3-minute method of improving pad rotation
65 Lighter, tighter & faster pads
66 Better rotation without the floppy pads
67 It’s not a bungee cord. It’s a faster, lighter pad.
68 The little tweaks to tighten up your gear
69 How to make your pads feel like part of your leg
70 Get on the ice faster. Move on the ice faster.
71 Stay connected to your pad, throughout the entire butterfly
72 Get a better butterfly
73 Bye-bye knee stress
74 Get the monster. Play posessed.
75 Step up your pad strap game
76 No more crashing your knees on the ice
77 The landing gear that cushions that your knees
78 How to stop more pucks, faster.
79 You move faster when your pads are lighter
80 Discover how fast your legs really are (without sacrificing pad flexibility)
81 Picture your butterfly, better
82 How going back to a tighter pad is actually better than hanging loose
83 Lower your G.A.A. by speeding up your pad responsiveness
84 All the little things that make your game better
85 No more sore knees and ankles
86 It’s only a matter of time before this goalie secret gets out
87 Stronger pushes. Faster recovery. Better rotation.
88 Get faster pads without shelling out big bucks
89 Because everything about your pads, except the leather straps, is new technology
90 Tired of slipping on your floppy toe ties?
91 Come see what the pros use on their equipment
92 Faster pad reaction = Fewer goals
93 Less time in the locker room means more time on the ice.
94 Custom cool for your pads
95 Where the pads are always better
96 Bad news for big goalie pad makers
97 Ease your knees into the slide
98 The champagne of beer league goalie gear
99 Snug up your pads
100 You’re not still using shoe laces, are you?
101 The biggest goaltending innovation since Jacque put on a mask

 

Overall: Pretty solid. I think they do a good job talking to the right audience and use the proper lingo. There’s not a lot of text on their homepage, so I’m not sure how many of these could actually be used, but maybe in social.

Lessons: It was was cool to dive into jargon I knew would resonate. This is such a specific niche that you need to talk like they (I) talk.

  • Hardly touched the templates, except to keep the flow going.
  • I’m not a traditional butterfly goalie, so I had to fake it a little. But I do have sore knees and hips after games so it was an actual pain I could speak to.
  • There’s a mixed audience of young & old and I’m not sure which is their core demographic. Further editing could be done if I had that info.
  • I realize very few people are going to read this one and I’m completely OK with that. Sometimes ya gotta write for yourself

Time: 2 sessions: 55 minutes.