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This may be the strangest thing I’ve ever written about. CitiKitty Cat Toilet Training Kit is yet another Shark Tank gold mine. Man, there have been some ridiculous things on that show…

You’ve seen “Meet The Parents” right? Remember Mr Jinx? He’s the cat who uses the toilet, yet also pees on Grandma’s ashes. Then he tears apart Ben Stiller’s face and throws a wild house party with a rabid ferret Also, I may not have ever seen “Meet The Parents.” But I did work at a pet store back in high school. And I do know how to use a bathroom. Turns out, neither of those proved to be of much use here.

Let me know what you think about these lines:

1Where cats learn to use the potty
2There’s more than one way to train a cat
3The sooner your cat knows how to use the toilet, the sooner you can lose the litterbox
4Take your cat’s loveableness to a whole new level
5What your cat won’t tell you about how it wants to pee
6The “my cat poops in the toilet” training aid
7Bye-Bye litter box
8When you walk in on your cat using the toilet, try not to make eye contact
9I trained my cat to use the bathroom. Now if I can just get my husband to put the seat down…
10The #1 way to teach your cat to go #2
11Cat owners! Your whole life is about to change.
12For the cat owner who hates dealing with litter
13Never suffer from stinky litterboxes again
14I can’t even imagine how I used to live with smelly messy litter in my apartment!
15Free yourself from scooping
16You think your cat is cool NOW?
17Toss your litter box.
18Why you should ditch the box and use the loo
19Cat owners! Do you want to train your cat to use the toilet?
20Now, if you can only teach your cat to put the seat down
21Now you really do have the coolest kitty in town
22Have a cat like the one in “Meet The Parents”
23Helping cats get toilet trained, one poop at a time
24The #1 thing you should know about teaching your cat to go #2
25OMG, Did your cat just use the toilet?!
26How many dogs do you know that can use a toilet?
27You’re going to have the best dinner conversation topic EVER
28Flushing is better than scooping
29You too can have a cat that uses the restroom
30Dogs drink out of toilets. Cats use them like people.
31Don’t housetrain your cat. Toilet train it.
32For when the #1 cat in your life has to go #2
33People may laugh when you tell them your cat poops in the potty. But when they hear him flush!
34Don’t try any other litter box until you try your toilet
35Transforming the way you train your cats, one toilet at a time
36At last! A way to never change the litterbox again!
37Here’s a way to challenge everything you ever knew about cat training
38Who else wants a cat that can use the potty?
39Life is easier when you don’t have to clean cat pee
40Give me 3 weeks and I’ll make your cat use the toilet
41Even dumb cats can learn to use the toilet
42If your husband tries to blame the cat for the empty toilet paper roll, he’s lying
43The only hard part is teaching your cat how to flush
44The ugly truth about how your cat poops
45Litter boxes are for dog people
46Proof that cats are better than dogs: How many dogs do you know who can use a toilet?
47Is your cat smart enough to use the toilet?
48Yup, you can even teach them to flush
49How many dogs do you know who can use a toilet?
50The strangest sound you’ll ever hear is your cat tinkling in the toilet
51Now you won’t be the only person talking about how great your cat is.
52Think your cat is so great? Prove it.
53How to own of the most interesting cat in the world
54Challenging the way you think about litterboxes
55Little known tricks to training your cat to use the toilet
56Your cat already thinks he’s a genius. Make him prove it.
57Change your way of training your cat
58The nitty-gritty on where you kitty goes shitty
59It seems logical to train your cat to use a litterbox. But why would you have a perfectly good toilet?
60Cat poop is never pleasant. But now you can just flush it.
61Make your kitty becomes a whiz at whizzing
62I was skeptic at first. Now I brag about my potty-trained cat to strangers at the grocery store!
63Ever seen a cat use the toilet?
64Helping cat owners never have to deal with litter boxes again
65Proof that cats are better than dogs
66Raise your hand if your cat can use a toilet. (We’ll ask you again in 3 weeks.)
67The pretty kitty potty party
68Would you rather share your bathroom with your cat, or your husband?
69How to turn your toilet into a litterbox
70Your cat can use the can – just like you
71Lose the litter box – for good
72“I couldn’t believe it when I heard my cat tinkle in the toilet!”
73Potty train your cat faster than you did you your kid
74Now, if you can only teach your cat to change the toilet paper.
75Toilet training a kid is harder than toilet training your cat
76The potty training device for cats
77Your cat is a easier to share a bathroom with than your husband is
78The cat toilet training method that will change your life forever
79Hurry up in there! The cat needs to pee, too!
80How to train your cat to poop in the potty
81No litter boxes. Just the occasional flush.
82Ever seen a cat use a toilet?
83The quickest & easiest way to housetrain your cat, is to toilet train it
84Don’t wait to get the litter out of your house
85The “I trained my fat cat to use the toilet!” litter box eliminator
86Train your cat to use the potty, right meow.
87Does your cat pee like a human?
88hearing your cat pee in the potty will make you giggle with pride for years
89Are you as smart as your cat?
90How to get your cat to pee like a person
91Lose the litterbox. Prepare the toilet.
92Proof that cats are smarter than dogs
93In just 3 weeks, your cat can be using the toilet
94Your cat is going to wonder why you’re peeing in its toilet
95No more buying litter. No more cleaning litter.
96Train your cat to use the potty. The actual potty.
97Prepare to impress your friends – with your cat
98Seriously. People are going to be talking about your cat for years.
99All you need is a toilet & a cat
100Yes, it’s strange. But when you cat can use the toilet, your life is so much easier.
101My cat has less accidents than my husband!
102Now you can legitimately blame bathroom smells on the cat
103Can you imagine yourself bragging to strangers in line about how your cat uses a toilet?
104How to train your cat to use you the toilet (so you don’t have to clean the litterbox ever again)
105No more litter – and they won’t leave you with an empty toilet paper roll
106Your cat pees like a person
107The only thing you need to do is flush

Overall: Just OK. After riding the high of yesterday’s post, I was hoping for more.

Lessons: I’m a dog person. I had trouble pretending cats were better and a few lines made me glance over at my two big, dumb, lovable dogs and whisper “sorry.” I found myself relying on formulas more than I wanted to. They produced some decent lines, but they didn’t feel very unique. I ran across one great review about a lady bragging to a stranger in the grocery checkout line about her cat’s bathroom prowess–but I had trouble converting it into a great headline. My heart just wasn’t in it today.

Back at it again tomorrow.

Time: 2 sessions, 1:13 total.