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I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself here, but I think I nailed this one.

Did you ever see the Shark Tank episode with The Beer Buckle? It’s a belt buckle that folds down to hold a bottle. I suppose it works for non-alcoholic drinks too, but I’ve never tried that. As a proud owner of one, I can flat out says that it’s every bit of the redneck-y awesomeness you want it to be. One heckuva conversation piece too. In a Look At My Crotch kinda way.

It probably wouldn’t surprise you to hear they sold a lot of these at NASCAR events. Which is exactly where I used to wear mine.

It looks like they’ve changed names to The BevBuckle since their TV debut. Still ridiculously fun to write headlines for:

1When you dance, your beer dances with you
2The beer buckle that doubles as a koozie
3Put a table top on your pants
4The perfect accessory for beer bellies
5Make your buckle great again
6Grab a beer. Slam it in place.
7Grab a buckle. Your beer is going to hold itself.
8For times when you need to hold 3 beers at once
9Where your crotch serves a more functional purpose for partying
10Don’t just get a buckle. Get a BevBuckle
11The party isn’t IN your pants. It’s ON your pants
12Good or bad, our belts make an impression
13How to become “that guy” at parties
14Are you still holding your beer with your hands?
16It doesn’t just hold your beer, it keeps your fly dry in the rain
17Let your buckle speak for itself
18Never worry about finding a pesky table for your beer again
19The buckle that defines who you are, without having to say a word.
20Give ’em a good reason to stare at your crotch
21When the ladies say, “remember that guy with the awesome belt that held his beer?” they’ll be talking about you.
22Where people move the party down to their pants
23Just remember, they’re staring at your beer.
24Let your buckle tell the story (and that story is, you’re the fun guy!)
25It’s always beer o’clock with a BevBuckle
26It only seems silly until you try it
27It’s not just a buckle. It’s a party in your pants
28The “my belt is my koozie” buckle
29Drop the plate, stack your beer, and thumb wrestle 2 people at once.
30Now you can hold just as many beers as before, plus one
31Now you can raise both hands in the air & yell “whoooo!” without spilling a drop
32You’re going to feel naked partying without it
33The table top you wear on your pants
34The surprisingly easy way to hold another beer
35You’ll never have the overwhelming sense of panic when you need to put your beer down again!
36Who says you have to hold your beer with your hands?
37It’s like the water belt runners wear. Only for beer. And not running.
38The hands-free beer holder
39The perfect beer holder for your camouflage cargo shorts
40Now all you need is a straw that reaches your belly button
41Life’s too short to only hold 2 beers
42It’s a tailgate. But for your pants.
43There’s a party in your pants, and your beer’s invited.
44The belt buckle that holds your beer
45Two hands, one cup
462 bottles in your hand, and a 3rd on deck.
47Your beers new home is on your belt
48Finally, a better way to hold your beer!
49For beer lovers who love attention
50Eliminating the limitations caused by holding a beer with your hands
51Flop it when you need, fold it when you don’t
52Where you lose your koozie and find your belt
53Take your beer holding to a whole new level (that’s waist high)
54Prepare to have your crotch all over Facebook
55The belt buckle for party animals
56Bring more attention to your nether regions
57It’s silly, but it’s really a great idea.
58Now you can high-five 2 people at once AND hold your beer
59It takes a confident redneck to wear a buckle like this
60Helping beer lovers accessorize
61Doubles as a table for your beer, and your belly
62Become the life of the party with hands free drinking
63Revamp your wardrobe, starting with your BevBuckle
64Made in America. Duh.
65Never, have you had so many people stare at your crotch before.
66It’s not only awesome, it’s practical
67Has anyone ever asked to take a selfie with your belt before?
68People are going to be talking about your belt for days
69For anyone who really likes attention. At the their crotch.
70Perfect for drinkers who speak sign language
71If this buckle could talk, it would be shouting “Whoooooooooo!”
72A big, sturdy table for your beer—on your belt
73How to be classy AF
74The belt buckle for drinkers who talk with their hands
75The BevBuckle doesn’t encourage fun & debauchery. It just happens. 
76The easiest way to draw attention to yourself, is with a beer buckle
77Holding your drink with your hands is for losers
78It’s like a beer belly extender
79Hands-free beer holding
80Its like a trophy from a beer drinking rodeo
81It’s like an extra pocket, expertly designed for your drink
82For beer drinkers tired of being inconvenienced by holding cans
83The super fun belt buckle for beer drinkers
84Your belly is about to become very popular
85Where your love of beer and hatred of holding them combine
86Look at that dork who still uses his hands to hold his beer!
87Be the guy girls who want to meet, and the man guys want to be.
88When you put your beer on your belt buckle, you tell the world who you are without saying a word
89Stop holding beer the old fashioned way
90The perfect day drinking accessory
91It’s not JUST for beer. But it’s mostly for beer.
92Beer drinkers, raise both hands!
93There’s a party in your pants with BevBuckle
94Party. Your pants. Beer o’clock.
95If you like beer and pants, this is the perfect gift for you
96Dumb or brilliant? You decide.
97For people who like to give 2 thumbs up in photos
98Put a beer on my tab. And your belt.
99The most convenient accessory in your party wardrobe
100The best (and most legal) way to draw attention to your crotch
101A brilliant gift for beer lovers
102We brought the buckle. You bring the beer.
103Never worry about your pants falling down while you drink again


Overall: Whoohoo! I’m happy with this list. It got all kinds of silly up in my head.

Lesson: I knocked out 61 lines before touching a single formula. I pulled from experience and put myself back into all the places I’ve worn the belt. It’s every bit as stereotypical as you’d imagine. But that’s the audience, so it worked well. I’m definitely starting to drill down my process, which I’ll elaborate on in the next recap (sign up below to get it). As for now, I’m gonna grab my belt, crack a beer and thumb-wrestle both my kids at the same time.

Time: Doh! I was having so muich fun, I forgot to track. I took a break after the 61st line. Probably just shy of an hour.