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I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself here, but I think I nailed this one.

Did you ever see the Shark Tank episode with The Beer Buckle? It’s a belt buckle that folds down to hold a bottle. I suppose it works for non-alcoholic drinks too, but I’ve never tried that. As a proud owner of one, I can flat out says that it’s every bit of the redneck-y awesomeness you want it to be. One heckuva conversation piece too. In a Look At My Crotch kinda way.

It probably wouldn’t surprise you to hear they sold a lot of these at NASCAR events. Which is exactly where I used to wear mine.

It looks like they’ve changed names to The BevBuckle since their TV debut. Still ridiculously fun to write headlines for:

1 When you dance, your beer dances with you
2 The beer buckle that doubles as a koozie
3 Put a table top on your pants
4 The perfect accessory for beer bellies
5 Make your buckle great again
6 Grab a beer. Slam it in place.
7 Grab a buckle. Your beer is going to hold itself.
8 For times when you need to hold 3 beers at once
9 Where your crotch serves a more functional purpose for partying
10 Don’t just get a buckle. Get a BevBuckle
11 The party isn’t IN your pants. It’s ON your pants
12 Good or bad, our belts make an impression
13 How to become “that guy” at parties
14 Are you still holding your beer with your hands?
15 #TripleFisting
16 It doesn’t just hold your beer, it keeps your fly dry in the rain
17 Let your buckle speak for itself
18 Never worry about finding a pesky table for your beer again
19 The buckle that defines who you are, without having to say a word.
20 Give ’em a good reason to stare at your crotch
21 When the ladies say, “remember that guy with the awesome belt that held his beer?” they’ll be talking about you.
22 Where people move the party down to their pants
23 Just remember, they’re staring at your beer.
24 Let your buckle tell the story (and that story is, you’re the fun guy!)
25 It’s always beer o’clock with a BevBuckle
26 It only seems silly until you try it
27 It’s not just a buckle. It’s a party in your pants
28 The “my belt is my koozie” buckle
29 Drop the plate, stack your beer, and thumb wrestle 2 people at once.
30 Now you can hold just as many beers as before, plus one
31 Now you can raise both hands in the air & yell “whoooo!” without spilling a drop
32 You’re going to feel naked partying without it
33 The table top you wear on your pants
34 The surprisingly easy way to hold another beer
35 You’ll never have the overwhelming sense of panic when you need to put your beer down again!
36 Who says you have to hold your beer with your hands?
37 It’s like the water belt runners wear. Only for beer. And not running.
38 The hands-free beer holder
39 The perfect beer holder for your camouflage cargo shorts
40 Now all you need is a straw that reaches your belly button
41 Life’s too short to only hold 2 beers
42 It’s a tailgate. But for your pants.
43 There’s a party in your pants, and your beer’s invited.
44 The belt buckle that holds your beer
45 Two hands, one cup
46 2 bottles in your hand, and a 3rd on deck.
47 Your beers new home is on your belt
48 Finally, a better way to hold your beer!
49 For beer lovers who love attention
50 Eliminating the limitations caused by holding a beer with your hands
51 Flop it when you need, fold it when you don’t
52 Where you lose your koozie and find your belt
53 Take your beer holding to a whole new level (that’s waist high)
54 Prepare to have your crotch all over Facebook
55 The belt buckle for party animals
56 Bring more attention to your nether regions
57 It’s silly, but it’s really a great idea.
58 Now you can high-five 2 people at once AND hold your beer
59 It takes a confident redneck to wear a buckle like this
60 Helping beer lovers accessorize
61 Doubles as a table for your beer, and your belly
62 Become the life of the party with hands free drinking
63 Revamp your wardrobe, starting with your BevBuckle
64 Made in America. Duh.
65 Never, have you had so many people stare at your crotch before.
66 It’s not only awesome, it’s practical
67 Has anyone ever asked to take a selfie with your belt before?
68 People are going to be talking about your belt for days
69 For anyone who really likes attention. At the their crotch.
70 Perfect for drinkers who speak sign language
71 If this buckle could talk, it would be shouting “Whoooooooooo!”
72 A big, sturdy table for your beer—on your belt
73 How to be classy AF
74 The belt buckle for drinkers who talk with their hands
75 The BevBuckle doesn’t encourage fun & debauchery. It just happens. 
76 The easiest way to draw attention to yourself, is with a beer buckle
77 Holding your drink with your hands is for losers
78 It’s like a beer belly extender
79 Hands-free beer holding
80 Its like a trophy from a beer drinking rodeo
81 It’s like an extra pocket, expertly designed for your drink
82 For beer drinkers tired of being inconvenienced by holding cans
83 The super fun belt buckle for beer drinkers
84 Your belly is about to become very popular
85 Where your love of beer and hatred of holding them combine
86 Look at that dork who still uses his hands to hold his beer!
87 Be the guy girls who want to meet, and the man guys want to be.
88 When you put your beer on your belt buckle, you tell the world who you are without saying a word
89 Stop holding beer the old fashioned way
90 The perfect day drinking accessory
91 It’s not JUST for beer. But it’s mostly for beer.
92 Beer drinkers, raise both hands!
93 There’s a party in your pants with BevBuckle
94 Party. Your pants. Beer o’clock.
95 If you like beer and pants, this is the perfect gift for you
96 Dumb or brilliant? You decide.
97 For people who like to give 2 thumbs up in photos
98 Put a beer on my tab. And your belt.
99 The most convenient accessory in your party wardrobe
100 The best (and most legal) way to draw attention to your crotch
101 A brilliant gift for beer lovers
102 We brought the buckle. You bring the beer.
103 Never worry about your pants falling down while you drink again


Overall: Whoohoo! I’m happy with this list. It got all kinds of silly up in my head.

Lesson: I knocked out 61 lines before touching a single formula. I pulled from experience and put myself back into all the places I’ve worn the belt. It’s every bit as stereotypical as you’d imagine. But that’s the audience, so it worked well. I’m definitely starting to drill down my process, which I’ll elaborate on in the next recap (sign up below to get it). As for now, I’m gonna grab my belt, crack a beer and thumb-wrestle both my kids at the same time.

Time: Doh! I was having so muich fun, I forgot to track. I took a break after the 61st line. Probably just shy of an hour.