Following up on the pretend services from movies, I picked Sunshine Cleaning. In case you missed this one, it’s a 2008 film about a woman who falls into a career of bio-hazard removal and crime scene clean-up. All kinds of gross.
I thought it would be fun to write about.
I was wrong.
Notes below the list:
| 1 | Will your major cleanup pass the white glove test? |
| 2 | Our first matter of business is ensuring you get exactly what you need |
| 3 | Discreet and thorough cleaning of your property |
| 4 | Once you point to the room, your part is done |
| 5 | Big messes require skilled professionals |
| 6 | Sanitary conditions, guaranteed |
| 7 | The biohazard cleaning service used by local hospitals and emergency services |
| 8 | We’ll remove any trace of the moment so you can move on |
| 9 | White vinegar ain’t gonna clean this mess up |
| 10 | Helping families of hoarders find the beauty they remember |
| 11 | One small step toward regaining what once was |
| 12 | No matter how bad it looks, we’ll make it better. |
| 13 | The number 1 lesson biohazard specialists can’t be taught in a classroom is this |
| 14 | “They treated me with respect during a difficult time” |
| 15 | The dirty side of dealing with death |
| 16 | Professional cleaning services for violent scenes |
| 17 | We’ll help you go on |
| 18 | This is a difficult time. We’re here to help. |
| 19 | The health risks to your family run deep. This is not a situation you should handle yourself |
| 20 | We’re on call 24/7 because nobody ever schedules a sewage spill |
| 21 | Warning! Make no attempt to clean a crime scene on your own |
| 22 | What are the most effective chemicals for treating biological waste in your home? |
| 23 | How to restore order in your home after an accident has occurred |
| 24 | How to move on from tragedy and restore your surroundings so you can move forward in peace |
| 25 | For families of hoarders who want their house back |
| 26 | No one will know your last tenant died here |
| 27 | When it comes to difficult moments, professionalism and tact are only 2 of the many skills required |
| 28 | We understand exactly what needs to be done without you having to ask |
| 29 | For loved ones who want to remember the ways things were |
| 30 | Our 14-stage cleaning process allows your healing process to begin |
| 31 | Our certified team of professionals is here to help you during this difficult situation |
| 32 | This is a difficult time. Our goal is to make things easier for you. |
| 33 | Your home, sanitized and restored |
| 34 | The first 3 things you should do when discovering a crime scene or contaminated are: |
| 35 | We’ll handle the unpleasantness so you can focus on your recovery |
| 36 | The last thing you want to worry about right now is cleaning. Now you won’t have to. |
| 37 | Discreetly restoring sanitary conditions to your home |
| 38 | What to look for when choosing a biohazard specialist |
| 39 | Bio-cleaning services for unpleasant situations |
| 40 | Handling unthinkable scenarios and re-establishing pleasant living |
| 41 | Restoring your home after unspeakable damage |
| 42 | The certified, discreet and thorough biological cleaning service |
| 43 | It’s more than cleaning. It’s a chance to move on with peace |
| 44 | Biological clean-up MUST be done right the first time |
| 45 | How I became a biohazard removal specialist |
| 46 | A small spec of sunshine during a dark day |
| 47 | For all the smells you cannot speak of |
| 48 | The biohazard cleaning service no one ever sees |
| 49 | Professional, certified, and recommended by state police |
| 50 | Hygienic clean-up and safe removal of crime scene and biological waste |
| 51 | Never be reminded of what happened here |
| 52 | Our reward is seeing your shoulders relax when we’ve finished |
| 53 | Restoring conditions to the way things were |
| 54 | 19 lessons learned during my first week as a biohazard removal specialist |
| 55 | This is not an event you want to mishandle |
| 56 | How to choose a crime scene clean-up specialist |
| 57 | Restoring sunshine and order to your lives |
| 58 | Tell us where to go. We’ll take care of everything else. |
| 59 | Inside the emotional world of a bio-hazard technician |
| 60 | Cleaning messes on Sunday for new tenants on Monday |
| 61 | We’re so sorry you’re going through this now. Please let us help. |
| 62 | Eternal sunshine on a spotless room |
| 63 | Your home will look the way you remember it |
| 64 | For those moments when you find the body waaaaaaaay too late |
| 65 | Hoarders: We’re sensitive to your situation and will only move when you’re ready |
| 66 | You’ll see no trace of the tragedy that once was |
| 67 | Our promise to you is a complete restoration of the way it once was |
| 68 | Our cleaning process will help you return to your normal routine |
| 69 | Bell City Hospital trusts us. You can to. |
| 70 | Our 14-stage cleaning process is patented and guaranteed hygienic |
| 71 | We practice discretion on every job |
| 72 | The only assistance we’ll need is for you to simply point to a door |
| 73 | Stop worrying about the mess. We’ll handle that. |
| 74 | 6 sanitizing techniques used by biohazard specialists that you can use in your own home |
| 75 | We understand your needs and employ the utmost discretion for every task |
| 76 | You’re in good hands that have garnered 17 years of sanitizing experience |
| 77 | Because the last thing you want to find 3 weeks later, is a toe |
| 78 | How a small accident can easily become a big problem |
| 79 | Common mistakes people make when dealing with a biohazard situation |
| 80 | There’s a clean new beginning waiting for you. We’ll help you find it. |
| 81 | The “It’s like it never even happened” bio cleaning service |
| 82 | Sensitive, sanitary and selfless cleaning for difficult situations |
| 83 | Diligently removing any reminders of unfortunate events |
| 84 | Deep, thorough cleaning for crime scenes and biological mishaps |
| 85 | Eliminate the risks to your family and ensure complete decontamination |
| 86 | “If I could use Sunshine Cleaning to tidy my house every week, I would.” |
| 87 | Certified removal and hygienic restoration |
| 88 | The biggest mess requires the best crew |
| 89 | When life hands you tragedy, you hand us your broom |
| 90 | Trust me. We’ve cleaned worse. |
| 91 | We’re sensitive to your situation and understand exactly what you need done |
| 92 | We’re the company your hospital trusts |
| 93 | Revitalizing your surroundings back to the way you want to remember them |
| 94 | You’ll be able to move forward in peace |
| 95 | When life hands you unpleasant situations, we’ll handle the clean-up |
| 96 | Cleaning advice from a biohazard specialist |
| 97 | We’ll remove any type of biological mess so you never have to |
| 98 | Everything you need to eliminate your biohazard situation |
| 99 | We’ll take care of everything—even the insurance claim. All you need to do is point us toward the room. |
| 100 | Restoring your surroundings to how they were prior |
| 101 | Biological clean-up and removal services for residential homes |
| 102 | Industrial cleaning for sensitive situations |
Overall: OK
There are some good lines in the bunch. While I normally hate to start a sentence with “we” it seemed to make sense here.
Lessons: I thought I could have fun with this, but upon researching a few actual bio-cleaning sites, I saw that this is a really sensitive subject. They handle corpse removal, hoarder clean-up, rodent infestation and some touchy subjects too deep to mention. So I had to scrap most of my original ideas right away. By the time I hit #19, I was struggling. But I powered through and switched gears around the midway point. I had to focus more on what I SHOULD write rather than what I WANTED to write. (See #77.) And I also took some SEO terms into consideration. That was new for me.
This was a tough one. It made me think a lot more than the first 3. Also made me realize how much I have to learn with this project. I’m glad I did this one, but I’m mostly glad it’s done.
Total time: 1 hour, 36 minutes
4/100
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