Following up on the pretend services from movies, I picked Sunshine Cleaning. In case you missed this one, it’s a 2008 film about a woman who falls into a career of bio-hazard removal and crime scene clean-up. All kinds of gross.

Image result for sunshine cleaning

I thought it would be fun to write about.

I was wrong.

Notes below the list:

1 Will your major cleanup pass the white glove test?
2 Our first matter of business is ensuring you get exactly what you need
3 Discreet and thorough cleaning of your property
4 Once you point to the room, your part is done
5 Big messes require skilled professionals
6 Sanitary conditions, guaranteed
7 The biohazard cleaning service used by local hospitals and emergency services
8 We’ll remove any trace of the moment so you can move on
9 White vinegar ain’t gonna clean this mess up
10 Helping families of hoarders find the beauty they remember
11 One small step toward regaining what once was
12 No matter how bad it looks, we’ll make it better.
13 The number 1 lesson biohazard specialists can’t be taught in a classroom is this
14 “They treated me with respect during a difficult time”
15 The dirty side of dealing with death
16 Professional cleaning services for violent scenes
17 We’ll help you go on
18 This is a difficult time. We’re here to help.
19 The health risks to your family run deep. This is not a situation you should handle yourself
20 We’re on call 24/7 because nobody ever schedules a sewage spill
21 Warning! Make no attempt to clean a crime scene on your own
22 What are the most effective chemicals for treating biological waste in your home?
23 How to restore order in your home after an accident has occurred
24 How to move on from tragedy and restore your surroundings so you can move forward in peace
25 For families of hoarders who want their house back
26 No one will know your last tenant died here
27 When it comes to difficult moments, professionalism and tact are only 2 of the many skills required
28 We understand exactly what needs to be done without you having to ask
29 For loved ones who want to remember the ways things were
30 Our 14-stage cleaning process allows your healing process to begin
31 Our certified team of professionals is here to help you during this difficult situation
32 This is a difficult time. Our goal is to make things easier for you.
33 Your home, sanitized and restored
34 The first 3 things you should do when discovering a crime scene or contaminated are:
35 We’ll handle the unpleasantness so you can focus on your recovery
36 The last thing you want to worry about right now is cleaning. Now you won’t have to.
37 Discreetly restoring sanitary conditions to your home
38 What to look for when choosing a biohazard specialist
39 Bio-cleaning services for unpleasant situations
40 Handling unthinkable scenarios and re-establishing pleasant living
41 Restoring your home after unspeakable damage
42 The certified, discreet and thorough biological cleaning service
43 It’s more than cleaning. It’s a chance to move on with peace
44 Biological clean-up MUST be done right  the first time
45 How I became a biohazard removal specialist
46 A small spec of sunshine during a dark day
47 For all the smells you cannot speak of
48 The biohazard cleaning service no one ever sees
49 Professional, certified, and recommended by state police
50 Hygienic clean-up and safe removal of crime scene and biological waste
51 Never be reminded of what happened here
52 Our reward is seeing your shoulders relax when we’ve finished
53 Restoring conditions to the way things were
54 19 lessons learned during my first week as a biohazard removal specialist
55 This is not an event you want to mishandle
56 How to choose a crime scene clean-up specialist
57 Restoring sunshine and order to your lives
58 Tell us where to go. We’ll take care of everything else.
59 Inside the emotional world  of a bio-hazard technician
60 Cleaning messes on Sunday for new tenants on Monday 
61 We’re so sorry you’re going through this now. Please let us help.
62 Eternal sunshine on a spotless room
63 Your home will look the way you remember it
64 For those moments when you find the body waaaaaaaay too late
65 Hoarders: We’re sensitive to your situation and will only move when you’re ready
66 You’ll see no trace of the tragedy that once was
67 Our promise to you is a complete restoration of the way it once was
68 Our cleaning process will help you return to your normal routine
69 Bell City Hospital trusts us. You can to.
70 Our 14-stage cleaning process is patented and guaranteed hygienic
71 We practice discretion on every job
72 The only assistance we’ll need is for you to simply point to a door
73 Stop worrying about the mess. We’ll handle that.
74 6 sanitizing techniques used by biohazard specialists that you can use in your own home
75 We understand your needs and employ the utmost discretion for every task
76 You’re in good hands that have garnered 17 years of sanitizing experience
77 Because the last thing you want to find 3 weeks later, is a toe
78 How a small accident can easily become a big problem
79 Common mistakes people make when dealing with a biohazard situation
80 There’s a clean new beginning waiting for you. We’ll help you find it.
81 The “It’s like it never even happened” bio cleaning service
82 Sensitive, sanitary  and selfless cleaning for difficult situations
83 Diligently removing any reminders of unfortunate events
84 Deep, thorough cleaning for crime scenes and biological mishaps
85 Eliminate the risks to your family and  ensure complete decontamination
86 “If I could use Sunshine Cleaning to tidy my house every week, I would.”
87 Certified removal and hygienic restoration
88 The biggest mess requires the best crew
89 When life hands you tragedy, you hand us your broom
90 Trust me. We’ve cleaned worse.
91 We’re sensitive to your situation and understand exactly what you need done
92 We’re the company your hospital trusts
93 Revitalizing your surroundings back to the way you want to remember them
94 You’ll be able to move forward in peace
95 When life hands you unpleasant situations, we’ll handle the clean-up
96 Cleaning advice from a biohazard specialist
97 We’ll remove any type of biological mess so you never have to
98 Everything you need to eliminate your biohazard situation
99 We’ll take care of everything—even the insurance claim. All you need to do is point us toward the room.
100 Restoring your surroundings to how they were prior
101 Biological clean-up and removal services for residential homes
102 Industrial cleaning for sensitive situations

Overall: OK

There are some good lines in the bunch. While I normally hate to start a sentence with “we” it seemed to make sense here.

Lessons: I thought I could have fun with this, but upon researching a few actual bio-cleaning sites, I saw that this is a really sensitive subject. They handle corpse removal, hoarder clean-up, rodent infestation and some touchy subjects too deep to mention. So I had to scrap most of my original ideas right away. By the time I hit #19, I was struggling. But I powered through and switched gears around the midway point. I had to focus more on what I SHOULD write rather than what I WANTED to write. (See #77.)  And I also took some SEO terms into consideration. That was new for me.

This was a tough one. It made me think a lot more than the first 3. Also made me realize how much I have to learn with this project. I’m glad I did this one, but I’m mostly glad it’s done.

Total time: 1 hour, 36 minutes