Maybe it’s a carry-over from Brit’s piece on day 1, but I woke up with Edward Scissorhands in my brain. So I wrote about it.

Remember the scene where he sculpts everyone’s garden? Ballet dancers, dragons, dinosaurs… I thought it might be fun to write some headlines for his tree-trimming service.

Image result for edward scissorhands trees

Here you go:

1Best Garden On the Block-ers, take note!
2Where the trees are even prettier than statues
3See these results from our 93 customers in Lakeland
4People may criticize your garden sculpture at first, but within 10 days, they’ll be asking how they can get one of their own.
5How to win Garden of the Month (so your annoying neighbor won’t)
6The only topiaries crafted by a man whose hands are actual scissors
7It’s ok if you can’t imagine how breathtaking your garden will look. Edward can.
814 Little known ways to create extreme neighbor jealousy
9The “Wow. Look at that.” Garden service
10There are several things Edward can’t do. But he can do this better than anyone
11Garden art for art connoisseurs
12We analyzed your community and here’s what we found in your neighbors’ gardens
13For gardeners who wish they had time to create a masterpiece
14For garden snobs who want to level up their landscape
15Landscaping so gorgeous, it makes Mother Nature jealous
1613 trees ideal for crafting a masterpiece
17The most creative yards in the world
18Where proud homeowners find their signature piece (and inspire jaw-dropping awe around the block)
19These are the most common mistakes people make when attempting topiaries
20Bring out the hidden beauty in Mother Nature
21Helping you build the best landscape possible, so you can be proud of where you live
22We aren’t laborers. We’re artists.
23Whimsical gardens for fantastic homes
24The garden-crafting service for anyone who’s ever loved art
25Edward will add a unique flair to your home no normal-handed human ever could
26Scissorhands Topiary Art: Find the secret shapes hidden in your landscape
27Bold design—shaped by the boundaries of your imagination
28All you need is a tree, your imagination, and Edward.
29It’s not just your tree. It’s your statement to the world.
30Discover the pure genius of Edward’s every move
31Improving on mother nature, one tree at a time
32Like having Leonard Da Vinci as you landscaper
33Here’s the downside to having a beautiful garden: there isn’t one.
34Heartwarming design that inspires magic in your home
35No, you don’t need to have a majestic tree to start
36The ultimate guide to creating magnificent tree sculptures
37How a small thing like caterpillars can destroy a year’s worth of sculpting
38Imagine your trees on the cover of Good Homes
39The tree service that turns your garden into a museum
40Are you more of an animal or shapes person?
41All you need is a tree. We’ll take care of the rest.
42Who needs the same trees as everyone else? Not you.
43Get jaw-dropping greenery faster than Winona Rider can shoplift a purse
44Transforming trees into penguins, one evergreen at a time
45We’ve seen the future and it’s got lions in its trees
46Let your personality display through nature only Edward can create
47Staggeringly beautiful designs, the way Mother Nature could only dream of
486 lessons learned from a lifetime of sculpting topiary art
49When Edward cuts, people watch
50We crafted every yard on Elm Street and here’s what happened
51For people who want the Joneses to keep up with them (or leave them choking in your dust)
52Helping professionally-trained sculptors discover the medium of trees
53It’s your favorite animal, only 13-feet tall and made from leaves
54Helping homeowners win the garden of the month award, 3 years running
55Stylish topiaries for homeowners who want to make their home worth more than their neighbor’s
56Which garden sculpture best defines your personality. Take our quiz!
57What you should do when people slow down to gawk at your lawn
58The designs sculpted in your landscape represent you to the outside world
59For housewives tired of staring at boring  lawns
60Why garden sculptures increase your status among friends
61Have you ever found yourself weeping from the beauty of a tree?
62Get the trees that you’ll want to keep forever
63Having an amazing topiary will change your entire life. Here’s how
64Don’t limit yourself to triangle-shaped trees. Let Edward craft a menagerie for you.
65Bring out the magic in your landscape
66God created magnificent creatures. Edward sculpts them for you to enjoy.
6714 beginner designers to make your home the talk of the town
68Where you ditch the trees all your neighbors have and unveil a work of genuine art
69When your topiary is complete, you’ll never want to move again.
70Are you still content with just another tree?
71Have the most recognizable house on the block (in a good way)
72If the greatest sculptors who ever lived studied topiaries, they would learn from Edward
73Landscapes for the art age
74Here’s why you need a tree shaped like a daddy hippopotamus 
75Toss your sheers and turn your garden into an museum
766 easy ways to prepare your garden for your upcoming masterpiece
77Scissorhands designs: More talented than Mother Nature
78Enjoy a beautiful garden without cultivating, digging and trimming every weekend
79It’s taken 19 years to perfect this craft (and every tree teaches us something new)
80For homeowners who want to stand out from the crowd
81For anyone whose ever dreamed of having a zoo made entirely of plants
82For one-of-a-kind homeowners who want to the world to see their individuality
83After crafting 1,031 topiaries, Edward decided he was finally ready
8416 sculpting techniques for beginning topiary artists
85The “Oh my gosh, it’s an ostrich” tree sculptor
86A comprehensive look at the 3-year training every member of our team goes through
87The absolute best topiary artist in the world, personally crafting your gallery by (scissor)hand
88The tree-shaping service for homeowners
89“How having a Scissorhands sculpture got me on the front page of the newspaper”
90Let your trees speak for you (and tell the world how unique you are)
91Last year, there were 12 car accidents caused by people staring at Edward’s designs
92Warning! More people will be driving by your house to admire you garden (Better close the shades when you change)
93All the reasons you shouldn’t try this on your own
94Topiaries for artists-at-heart
95You can only get this level of artistry from someone’s whose hands are made from actual scissors
96How to increase your property value without touching the inside of your home
97Homeowners: Are you doing this one thing to raise your property values?
98Express yourself through nature
99The tree trimming service by artists
100The Joneses are going to be jealous
101All you need is a tree. We’ll make it magnificent

Overall: OK. There are some decent lines here and nothing I’m embarrassed about.

Lessons: I knocked out 63 straight, then took a good, long break. I came back a few hours later and revisited some of the formulas that seemed to be working. Seems to be a much better strategy than going all at once. I think I’ll start doing this more. The brain drain is real, people.

Total time: 1:26, broken into 2 sessions

Back at it tomorrow